To be Effective , you don’t need to be Aggressive ; being Assertive is enough (2024)

Like Delegation /Abdication , another pair of words we confuse interchangeably is : Aggressiveness & Assertiveness …. They are not the same .

oAggression is more to do more with the person , Assertion is exhibited more in the matter

oAggressiveness is more constitutional … a personal trait , Assertiveness is more in practice & can be acquired

oLoss of discretion is mostly concurrent with display of aggression , whereas assertion is a more conscious practice

oSince it is an impulsive act , chances of regret is higher in case of aggression , not as much so with being assertive . In a rather loose manner I can say that Assertion mixed with emotion / passion becomes Aggression .

Like any other emotion , exercise of aggression by choice / with awareness can be very effective ; it is when we lose our awareness ( which is mostly the case )in exercising emotion is when we often make a mistake . Emotion is like a horse …. Whether the animal works for us or takes us into the wilderness , depends on whether we are riding the horse or vice versa .

oIdea here is not to attach a prescriptive label of Good / Bad to either of these two words ; it is just that we need to be well aware of what is what & when , how it will work for us

It is my experiential assertion that contrary to popular misconception ; to be effective , you don’t need to be aggressive , just being assertive will help .

There is nothing bad or wrong about being aggressive in nature ; one just needs to be conscious that it is a part of you and how / when to use as a resource to his / her advantage .

oMore importantly if you are not naturally aggressive , putting up artificially doesn’t work … like a good fashion , it works only when you know how to carry it off . You are at your best , only when you play yourself , not as someone else you are not .

I share with you here a story of a Snake & a Sage ,from our scriptures which brings out the difference in meaning & application between Aggression & Assertion .

There was a snake in a jungle who was very unhappy that all passersby were scared of him and used to avoid by miles . He seemed to be interested in being liked & not shunned … to be included & not avoided

oHe shared his grief with a Sage once , passing through the jungle & asked for a remedial advice . The sage made him realise that it was his fear ( that the snake will bite ) which was keeping people away , therefore the sage advised him to not be of nuisance to people but see if he could be more friendly to people.

oFrom the next day the snake became conscious of any gesture which may scare people . He decided to lie down peacefully along the side of a without doing anything .It seemed to work for a while , but to his surprise , in a few days , as people got used to this , they developed an acquired belligerence for a reverse aggression, they started pelting stones towards the snake – which used to hurt him

Next time when the sage was passing that side ,the snake complained to the sage that the sage’s advise on being peaceful didn’t help as the people started to take advantage of his new situation .

oThe wise sage then helped him to understand thus – He said , “ I told you to not be of nuisance to others , I did not ask you to go to other extreme & be docile . I asked you to not scare or bite people , it did not mean that you lose your identity & be taken for granted ” .

o“I asked you not to be aggressive by biting & injecting venom ;but you can assert your identity through “ hissing “ … so that no one takes you for granted ”

It is important in life to exert & hold your identity and assert yourself if necessary to be heard & be successful --- you really don’t need to be aggressive .

To be Effective , you don’t need to be Aggressive ; being Assertive is enough (2024)

FAQs

Why is it important to be assertive and not aggressive? ›

Assertive communication is direct and respectful. Being assertive gives you the best chance of successfully delivering your message. If you communicate in a way that's too passive or too aggressive, your message may get lost because people are too busy reacting to your delivery.

Is it bad that I'm not assertive? ›

When people are not assertive they can suffer from a loss of confidence and self-esteem, which is more likely to make them less assertive in the future. It is therefore important to break the cycle and learn to be more assertive, whilst at the same time respecting the views and opinions of other people.

What is an assertive response to aggression? ›

All you do is stand true to your beliefs and state them firm but not loudly. Use eye contact and state what it is that you are asserting. You do not need approval from anyone. Aggression is from anger and anger is not good.

What does it mean to be assertive enough? ›

Assertiveness is defined as the ability to express yourself in an open, calm, and direct way whilst still respecting others. It's considered to be an important quality in everyday life, from relationships at work or with family and friends.

Why is it important to not be aggressive? ›

Getting help for aggression sooner rather than later is essential because aggressive behavior can easily cause lasting physical or emotional harm to other people, animals, and even you.

Why people avoid being assertive? ›

All too often we maintain a dignified silence in the presence of others when, in reality, it would serve us better to be more assertive. Common reasons for this include fear of upsetting another person, fear of making ourselves look stupid or fear that we don?t have sufficient authority to assert our opinions.

Is it rude to be assertive? ›

So, it's possible to be assertive without being rude or offensive. Some people may believe being assertive is equivalent to being rude. However, expressing your opinions and needs clearly isn't the same as lacking manners.

What are the disadvantages of not being assertive? ›

However, the non-assertive communication style does not intend that as a strategy. The disadvantage is that it is unlikely to be engaging or even clear in expressing what it is you want. Unclear communication is not effective in achieving a result. All it does is communciate a lack of interest in the other person.

Is not being assertive a weakness? ›

Other potential weaknesses include over sensitivity, being highly critical, or not being assertive enough. Using perfectionism as a weakness is overdone, and might lead the interviewer to think your work will be affected. Job interview or not, you should always be looking for ways to improve yourself.

What are examples of aggressive vs assertive? ›

Assertive behavior is all about standing up for yourself, but aggression usually involves threatening, attacking, or (to a lesser degree) ignoring others. Assertive individuals stand up for themselves—for their beliefs, their values, their needs. And they do so in a respectful, unthreatening, nonviolent way.

Is it good to be aggressive at work? ›

Assertiveness, especially in challenging work environments, offer many rewards, including the following: Helps employees become better leaders. It increases their self-confidence and self-respect. Increases the effectiveness of communication during conflict or confrontation.

What is a positive word for aggressive? ›

WordReference English Thesaurus © 2024. Sense: Adjective: energetic and forceful. Synonyms: energetic , forceful, assertive , bold , proactive , pushy , driven , forward , pushing, domineering, outspoken , vigorous, cavalier, dynamic , determined , hard-hitting, zealous, feisty , scrappy, bloody-minded.

How to be assertive but not aggressive? ›

Use statements that start with 'I' rather than 'you' - they're less likely to make others feel like they're being attacked or blamed for something. For instance, say 'I disagree' rather than 'you made a mistake'. Or 'I feel frustrated' rather than 'you made me angry'.

What are 5 assertive behaviors? ›

10 Examples of Assertive Behaviour That'll Bring You Success in the Workplace
ActionAssertive behaviour
Voice/SpeechFirm Warm Well-paced Non-accusatory
Face/EyesComfortable Direct eye contact Firm but kind expression Appropriate smiling
Body languageRelaxed Upright Open Calm hand gestures Respect for personal space

Why is it hard to be assertive? ›

Situations in which we need to be assertive tend to be emotionally charged (as we may feel mistreated). Our body can go into fight or flight mode, making it difficult to access rational thought processes which we need to be assertive. Solution: Only raise difficult topics when you are feeling calm and confident.

Why must you never respond aggressively? ›

Responding angrily will almost certainly escalate the situation and make it harder to defuse—as the parents of toddlers will almost certainly confirm. This page provides some suggestions for ways to manage aggression in others, particularly through use of both verbal and non-verbal communication.

What happens when you lack assertiveness? ›

The non-assertive person is emotionally dishonest, indirect, self-denying, and inhibited. He/she feels hurt, anxious, and possibly angry about his/her actions. Non-Assertive Body Language: Lack of eye contact; looking down or away/ • Swaying and shifting of weight from one foot to the other.

Why is assertive discipline important? ›

Advocated and developed by Lee Canter in 1976, assertive discipline is an approach to classroom management which is to assist teachers to have an organized, teacher-in-charge classroom environment which prevents discipline problems.

How to be assertive at work without being aggressive? ›

how to be assertive without being aggressive
  1. be clear. This involves asking for what you want in an open and straightforward way. ...
  2. make eye contact. ...
  3. maintain a positive posture. ...
  4. do your homework. ...
  5. take a step back. ...
  6. avoid making accusations. ...
  7. keep your cool. ...
  8. set personal boundaries.

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