By Steve Adubato, PhD
I was coaching a client recently who told me that in her performance evaluation, the manager she reported to told her she needed to be “more assertive” in her leadership style. Interestingly, just a few weeks ago in a communication and leadership skills seminar, one of the participants shared his concern that one of his managers was “too aggressive” in his leadership and that he wanted this manager to tone it down a bit.
It got me thinking about the terms “assertive” and “aggressive” when it comes to overall leadership style. What exactly is assertive and when does it become aggressive to the point where it is a problem?
Instead of debating semantics, here is a practical comparison between the two words that should prove helpful to any professional who must lead others.
--Being an assertive leader is making your point in a concise and direct fashion, sometimes with a strong voice. Assertive leaders leave no doubt in the minds of those around them what they are stating, why they are saying it, where they think the organization needs to go and why. They also communicate with a sense of urgency and provide clear direction. Aggressive leadership can sometimes be harsh in tone that can border on being hostile, creating unnecessary conflict and turmoil.Aggressive leaders are too often poor listeners who take a “my way or the highway” approach to communicating to those around them and are not open to others’ opinions.
–Assertive leaders often begin sentences like this; “I feel strongly that we need to move in XYZ direction because if we do, we can accomplish ABC.” Aggressive leaders often are accusatory in their tone and language: “You dropped the ball; you screwed up. What’s wrong with you?” The problem with this latter approach is that even if you are technically correct, you leave the receiver of this type of message on the defensive. They either fight back or shut down, which are two outcomes we should avoid in our professional and personal communication.
– While not always the case, assertive leaders often try to achieve certain results and solve problems with a mindset that says “we are all in this together.” This leadership approach breeds collaboration and loyalty. Aggressive leaders too often focus on blame, criticism, and worse, humiliation of others, which clearly has a terrible impact on productivity and effectiveness. This leadership style creates a culture of fear and stifles creativity and risk-taking.
– Leaders who are overly aggressive can have a hard time admitting fault, taking responsibility or simply saying, “I’m sorry.” This is because they have a “take no prisoners” approach to business relations as opposed to trying to find a way for everyone to benefit. Assertive leaders are confident and know that when they DO admit their mistakes, apologize, and take responsibility when things go wrong, it only enhances their status as a leader.
Be honest…how would you describe your leadership style? Do you consider yourself assertive or, like me, have there been times that you have led in an aggressive fashion and learned powerful lessons in the process? While none of us are perfect, the really successful leaders never stop learning, growing and taking an honest look at themselves and their interaction with others.
Jody Jaron, Director School of the Garden State Ballet, shares her assertive methods to motivate students.
FAQs
–Assertive leaders often begin sentences like this; “I feel strongly that we need to move in XYZ direction because if we do, we can accomplish ABC.” Aggressive leaders often are accusatory in their tone and language: “You dropped the ball; you screwed up.
Why assertiveness is better than aggressiveness? ›
Assertive communication shows respect for others' needs; aggressive communication does not. It is respectful, clear, and firm. This includes listening to the other person and showing interest or concern. Aggressive communication can include making demands of someone without listening to them.
Which best explains the difference between aggressive and assertive communication? ›
Answer. Final answer: Assertive communication is a communication style that involves expressing one's thoughts, feelings and needs clearly and respectfully, while aggressive communication involves the use of forceful and hostile behavior to intimidate or control others.
How to be assertive but not aggressive? ›
Learning to be more assertive
- Assess your style. Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? ...
- Use 'I' statements. Using I statements lets others know what you're thinking or feeling without sounding accusatory. ...
- Practice saying no. ...
- Rehearse what you want to say. ...
- Use body language. ...
- Keep emotions in check. ...
- Start small.
While often confused, the biggest difference between aggressive and assertive communication is that assertiveness includes respect for yourself and the other party, while aggressive communication quickly disrespects and often insults the other party, leaving yourself feeling guilty or angry.
Why is assertiveness important in leadership? ›
An assertive management style offers many benefits for leaders and their organizations. Assertiveness can be a very effective approach to management because leaders earn the appreciation of others by supporting their teams. People who feel valued by their supervisors are more likely to respect their authority.
Why is being assertive more productive than being passive or aggressive? ›
Being assertive means communicating with others in a direct and honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone's feelings. Direct communication can reduce conflict, build self-confidence and enhance personal and work relationships.
Are assertive people more successful? ›
Assertiveness is a quality that sets successful people apart from the rest. It's the ability to communicate your needs and wants with confidence while respecting the rights of others.
What are the pros and cons of being aggressive? ›
Aggressive
- The advantage is that you feel powerful, you often get what you want, and people leave you alone.
- The disadvantage is that people leave you alone because they don't want to be around you; you end up feeling lonely and have problems in your relationships at home and work.
The Assertive man establishes clear boundaries, which he adheres to while respecting those of others. Conversely, the controlling man resorts to manipulative tactics, such as guilt-tripping, to fulfill his desires.
You may need to act quickly and decisively because a situation requires it and you have no time to hear out the opinions of others. With a smile and a measured tone of voice, your more aggressive behavior may well be perceived as assertive.
What is the difference between hostile aggression and assertive behaviour? ›
3. Assertive behaviour is all about standing up for yourself and your values in an unthreatening manner, while aggression puts others down. “True assertion comes from a secure sense of self and individual values, and an attitude of acceptance and respect for others and their actions.
What are the three C's of assertive communication? ›
3 Cs: Confident, Clear, Controlled • Confident: You believe in your ability to handle the situation and are composed. Clear: The message is easy to understand and is not exaggerated. Controlled: You are "tracking" the other person and modulate yourself if necessary.
How to speak assertively? ›
Keys to Assertive Communication
- Be aware of your body language.
- Make direct eye contact, but soften your eyes so you're not challenging.
- Speak clearly and calmly.
- Keep your tone of voice even and normal while also being sure not to raise the volume of your voice.
- Keep your physical stance open; uncross arms and legs.
Situations in which we need to be assertive tend to be emotionally charged (as we may feel mistreated). Our body can go into fight or flight mode, making it difficult to access rational thought processes which we need to be assertive. Solution: Only raise difficult topics when you are feeling calm and confident.
What is the difference between assertive and aggressive behavior? ›
But there is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others. Aggressive people attack or ignore others' opinions in favor of their own. Passive people don't state their opinions at all.
What is aggressive leadership? ›
The aggressive approach is often seen as a dominant, forceful, and confrontational style of leadership. Leaders who adopt this approach tend to prioritize their own needs and goals over those of others. They are not afraid to assert their authority and use intimidation or coercion to achieve results.
What is an assertive leader? ›
Conclusion: Assertive leadership is a potent style that empowers leaders to effectively communicate, make decisions, take ownership, and support their team members. By developing an assertive leadership style, you can inspire your team, foster a culture of accountability, and drive success within your organization.
What is the difference between assertive and aggressive behavior quizlet? ›
Aggressive behavior is conduct based on a willingness to ignore the rights of others and to take advantage of them to achieve personal goals. Assertive behavior, or assertiveness, is the ability to express yourself, communicate your point of view, and stand up for your rights, principles, and beliefs.
