by Alison Greenon July 2, 2019
A reader writes:
I am a low level manager at an office of 35 employees and we’re fairly autonomous in managing our workload. We have flex time, people work different hours, and as long as your work is done in a timely and quality way, then management usually leaves you to your own devices.
We’re a pretty social and casual group, so it’s no big deal for people to socialize with one another to a certain extent. However, I’ve recently noticed that there seem to be more frequent, prolonged socializing sessions with some groups of people. I would guess it’s 3-5 days a week for 45 minutes or more. I think they probably start out as work-related conversations but then wander into more social territory. Is this pretty typical? My concern is that people are getting a little too relaxed at work and putting off the actual work that needs to be done and then quality is suffering (quality is hard to measure in my job so this is something difficult to track). My concern with addressing it is that it would kill morale. So if you think it does need to be addressed, how would you do so?
It’s pretty normal for work-related conversations to wander into social directions, but if people are having 45-minute or longer social conversations most days of the week, that’s a lot for most jobs. (That assumes they’re not simultaneously working on something that doesn’t require much focus.) And asking people to return their focus to work is fine, as is digging into whether they have enough to do.
But I’m more concerned that you say you can’t really assess their work — because you can’t manage people if you can’t assess their work.
It’s certainly true that some jobs have easier metrics than others, but every job needs to have a way to assess performance. People need to be able to measure themselves against whatever outcomes are expected, and they need to know how their manager will be measuring them — and as a manager, you need to have a very clear picture of what successful performance in any role you supervise looks like so that you know when people are and aren’t meeting that bar.
If you don’t have that clear picture, focus on fixing that first. Your staff members need outcome-based goals (outcome-based means goals that answer not “what activities will you do?” but rather “what results will you achieve?”) that are stated clearly enough that both you and they will be able to know whether they’ve been met or not. If you’re having trouble creating those, enlist your staff in helping. Ask yourself and them: What does this work look like when we’ve done it successfully? How do we know it’s been successful? What’s the difference between someone doing this job really well and doing a more mediocre version of it?
Once you can assess people’s performance based on the results they’re getting, then dealing with the socializing becomes much easier. Are people meeting their goals and getting the results you’re looking for? If so, and they still have a lot of time every day for socializing, do you need to revisit the goals? If they’re not meeting those goals, then you focus on that — and will often solve the socializing problem in that process.
If they’re not meeting their goals and you talk with them about that but the same high level of socializing continues, then you can get more explicit about decreasing the social time — but that would also be a flag that there’s likely a broader problem.
FAQs
It's pretty normal for work-related conversations to wander into social directions, but if people are having 45-minute or longer social conversations most days of the week, that's a lot for most jobs. (That assumes they're not simultaneously working on something that doesn't require much focus.)
How do you tell an employee they socialize too much? ›
You might say, for example, “I know you've got a lot going on outside of work, but I'm concerned that sharing too many details is undermining your credibility and authority with your co-workers.”
How to address too much socializing at work? ›
Ways to tackle excessive workplace talking
- Provide gentle reminders of deadlines. ...
- Make sure everyone has plenty to do. ...
- Speak to the talkative employees in private. ...
- Change the seating plan. ...
- Allow a few extra breaks for socialising. ...
- Use people's skills to your advantage. ...
- Allow people to wear headphones.
Work friends can help each other with projects, make the time go faster, and can even boost morale and productivity. It is important to always remember that your work friend was a coworker first, and a friend second. Once you draw that distinction and stay in line with it, you'll be just fine.
Why do people socialize so much at work? ›
Co-workers who communicate about topics not related to work often collaborate better on team projects. Socializing can also help your co-workers put more of their opinions out there at work, which is always beneficial. Informal and relaxed conversations often strengthen bonds between co-workers.
Is it OK not to socialize with coworkers? ›
There are no rules about how often you should socialize with your co-workers, and you're not going to lose your job if you avoid all out-of-office extracurricular activities.
How do you deal with an overly chatty coworker? ›
How to deal with a colleague who talks too much
- Try to understand why they do it. ...
- Talk to your colleagues — and the person. ...
- Try to find the good in what they say. ...
- Have some coping strategies ready. ...
- Make them aware of the issue. ...
- Consider being blunt. ...
- If they tend to boast, maybe you can learn something.
If performance is being impacted by excessive talking, be specific and state the issue and how it is impacting them as well as other team members. When an employee talks too much, it's definitely a habit, yet underneath their behavior is a need to be heard. Listen carefully to their responses to the issue.
Is it normal to not want to socialize after work? ›
No matter the reason, not being able to or not wanting to socialize with co-workers is completely acceptable.
How do you deal with oversharing coworkers? ›
Empathize, Don't Sympathize: It's important to show empathy towards your colleague by acknowledging their need to share without encouraging further personal disclosures. Respond with neutral comments like, “It sounds like you're going through a lot,” and then steer the conversation back to work-related matters.
If the employer can point to a specific duty the employee is neglecting, such as failing to attend an evening networking event, or entertaining clients, then the employer may be able to prohibit this socialization.
How many hours a day should you socialize? ›
Having too few can leave you alone in a time of need. Get one to three hours of social interaction per day. That's between seven and 21 hours of social time per week—far more than the average of 34 minutes of socializing most of us get each day.
Is it OK to be friends with coworkers? ›
You can and should be friends with your coworkers. However, your boundaries and the nature of the friendship are going to be different because it's a professional, work relationship. That said, let's talk about some ways to bridge that gap and build meaningful and genuine professional friendships between coworkers.
What happens if you socialize too much? ›
It is also important to recognize that too much social interaction can sometimes be overwhelming and lead to feelings of stress and anxiety.
How do you professionally say someone talks too much? ›
Start the conversation with something like this: “I'm curious about something. Frequently when we're talking, you'll elaborate on a point three or more times. I notice it happening often enough that I started wondering about it. Please know that I love our conversations.
How do you tell an employee they are oversharing? ›
Set Clear Boundaries: Politely setting boundaries is a crucial first step in managing an oversharing colleague. You can do this by gently redirecting the conversation to work-related topics or expressing that you're not comfortable discussing personal matters at work.
How do you write an employee for talking too much? ›
Outline the behavior without judgment (“I've noticed that you talk a lot during meetings and have long chats with your coworkers.”) Detail the impact that behavior can have on the team or company (“I worry that this will give the impression that you don't care for your coworkers' time.”)
How do you politely say someone talks too much? ›
How to Tell Someone They Talk Too Much
- 1 Set some boundaries ahead of time.
- 2 Try a few visual cues first.
- 3 Bring up the topic in private.
- 4 Interrupt as politely as you can.
- 5 Say you need to cut the conversation short.
- 6 Address the issue in a clear, neutral way.
- 7 Try humor if you know the person well.
