Here's Why It's So Hard to Find a Good Mentor (2024)

MPW Insider is an online community where the biggest names in business and beyond answer timely career and leadership questions. Today’s answer for: How do you find a mentor? is written by Camille Preston, founder of
AIM Leadership.

At all stages of one’s career, mentors play an important role. Unfortunately, for many people, finding a great mentor remains a challenge. This is largely due to the fact that we often fail to recognize mentors when we encounter them. The first step to not letting great mentors get away is to ask better questions. Yes, it is as simple as that—ask better questions. Believe it or not, you are already surrounded by mentors. This is because everyone has something unique to teach you. So the real question is this—what do you want to learn? If you’re not sure what you want to learn, look around and take notice. Who is doing something better, faster, or with greater ease? What can you learn from these people?

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The Story of Mentor

This brings us to the next question—what can you share or give to this person? All too often we assume that mentoring is a hierarchical and unidirectional relationship. Over the course of my career, I have found the most effective mentor collaborations are bi-directional. First, you must be aware of the skills you have to share (trust me, you probably have a lot more to share than you think). If you have any doubt, simply look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What can you share with others?” Second, get to know your ideal mentor. Find out what is important to them, what they are working on, and how you can help them reach these goals.

Years ago, I met Ivy Ross, currently at VP at (GOOGL) Google, at a lunch in Cartegana, Columbia. Ivy instantly mesmerized me. She exhibits a unique, powerful creative leadership style. I admired the way she built teams, approached design, and tackled innovation. The more I learned about her, the more I knew she would be a great mentor. Over time, I nurtured our friendship by sharing nuggets that I thought would be of interest and value to Ivy. I looked for commonalities. I also looked for relationships that might interest Ivy (she is now serving on the board of a connection I introduced her to). I also made it a priority to spend time with her. Most importantly, I did whatever I could to make spending time with me easy for her.

Mentorships are bound to fail if they become draining for the mentor. Reciprocity needs to be at the core of the relationship. With Ivy, a chance lunch encounter blossomed into a deep, reciprocal mentorship. Even though we have never worked together and live over 2,000 miles apart, our relationship continues to grow.

FAQs

Here's Why It's So Hard to Find a Good Mentor? ›

It's because we don't know how to articulate exactly what we need, we go to colleagues who are labeled as “mentors” instead of the people who can best meet our needs, and then we ask the wrong questions (“Will you be my mentor?” “Can we have a mentoring conversation?”) instead of asking for a targeted conversation.

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Why is it so hard to find a mentor? ›

There aren't any capable managers. The individual is the only person in a project management role, and no one else has the skills to provide relevant support and mentorship. It's too hard to find a capable manager. Budget cuts have meant that there are fewer formal corporate mentoring schemes.

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Do most successful people have mentors? ›

Branson once said, 'If you ask any successful business person, they will always have had a great mentor at some point along the road. ' - And he was right!

Is 50 too old to have a mentor? ›

No age is too old for having a mentor.

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What makes a poor mentor? ›

If your mentor breaches your trust by sharing your personal information or struggles with others, it's a serious issue. Negative feedback without constructive solutions: While constructive criticism is valuable, constant negative feedback without advice on how to improve can be demoralizing and unhelpful.

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Are mentors usually older? ›

No, mentors do not have to be older than their mentees. A mentor is someone who provides guidance, support, and advice to someone who is less experienced in a particular field or area of life. While mentors are often older and more experienced than their mentees, this is not always the case.

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Who is Bill Gates' mentor? ›

Bill Gates, Founder and Technology Advisor of Microsoft

The Harvard drop-out credits part of his success to his mentor, businessman, and investor, Warren Buffet. In an interview with CNBC, Gates credits Buffet with teaching him how to deal with challenging situations and to think long-term.

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Do mentors get paid? ›

How much do mentors get paid? Mentors select from a range of rate cards from pro-bono to $1,000 per hour for the most in-demand experts. Our top mentor earned more than $200,000 in their first 24 months.

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Why is finding a mentor so hard? ›

What does an ideal mentor look like? ›

A good mentor possesses the following qualities: Willingness to share skills, knowledge, and expertise. A good mentor is willing to teach what he/she knows and accept the mentee where they currently are in their professional development. Good mentors can remember what it was like just starting out in the field.

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How to find a rich mentor? ›

Once you've identified your specific needs, you can start looking for a millionaire mentor who has the expertise and experience to help you achieve your goals. You can attend networking events, join industry groups, or even reach out to successful entrepreneurs in your network for guidance and mentorship.

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What to do if you have no mentor? ›

Join a professional organization, get on Meetup, or introduce yourself to notable people at events for your field. Make sure to get people's cards and follow up with everyone you meet, even if they don't immediately seem like important connections.

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Is it OK not to have a mentor? ›

There's no rulebook that states you absolutely need one in order to attain success. Take it from me—you can still do alright for yourself without an “official” mentor in your corner. Do you have one person that you look to when you need a little guidance? Or, are you like me and avoid relying on one specific person?

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Can someone you never met be a mentor? ›

The best mentors are those who talk little, listen intently, and support the other person in achieving what they want. Another unconventional aspect of Scott's mentoring definition is that he does not believe you need to have met a person for them to be your mentor.