Source: Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
One of the most common misconceptions is that narcissists only look for emotionally dependent partners who lack confidence and self-esteem. In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women.
While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity. What appears to be an overabundance of self-assurance is actually a protective wall designed to block the narcissist from acknowledging his own insecurity and lack of self-confidence.
At the same time, the narcissist uses that sense of self-confidence and assurance to portray a personality that is attractive to a confident, successful woman. She looks for a man who does not need her ongoing support and who has the strength and ability to manage any situation.
Confident women can be swept off their feet by an abundance of attention. Most narcissists can assume any interest or focus in the initial stages of dating. They become the partner the woman has always looked for. They do it with enough authenticity to carry on the charade for a short period of time until the relationship has solidified. They can start to reveal their true personality.
Narcissists often feel safe with strong partners as they have always struggled with a consistent parent figure. When you take charge, manage life effectively, and create your own success, this becomes a draw for the narcissist. Coupling this with your ability to show empathy and kindness creates a natural magnet for the narcissist who desperately wants to have those characteristics.
In addition, the narcissist sees the strong woman as a conquest. It provides him with a sense of being equal or worthy of having a relationship with someone successful, independent, and strong.
Signs Your New Partner May Be A Narcissist
As a confident, strong woman, knowing the red flags to look for to identify a narcissist is essential. Remember, anyone can display some of these behaviors occasionally, but if they are repetitive, it is more likely there is a problem:
- Mr. Perfect – while the new partner may be Mr. Right, there may be a problem if he seems almost too perfect. A narcissist will remember what you say you like, enjoy, or have a passion about and suddenly incorporate everything you like into his preferences, choices, and decisions.
- Pushing boundaries – a narcissist has difficulties with boundaries and may use jokes, comments, or actions to attempt to push your boundaries. If you note this and bring it up, they try to deflect the issue, make a joke, or even blame you or someone else.
- Playing on your empathy – through manipulation, the narcissist plays on your empathy or kindness to get his own way. This typically includes blame and attempts to shame you into doing what they want.
- Wanting to be alone all the time – while it may seem romantic, the narcissist creates a sense of isolation and dependence when they insist on being alone. Be cautious if the new partner never wants to go out, spend time with friends, or introduce you to his friends and family. In some cases, the narcissist may be willing to go out with you but never wants you to spend time alone with your friends and family or out of his sight.
If you believe a partner is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits, considering if the relationship should move forward is a critical step. The longer a strong, confident woman stays in a narcissistic relationship, the greater the challenge in walking away.
Working with a therapist to clarify your relationship needs, boundaries, and expectations is an effective way to evaluate the possibilities. This is also helpful in making a clean break from the narcissist early in the relationship if it is not sustainable. While the narcissist can seek counseling and make changes to become a healthier partner, this is not a common response for those with this personality disorder.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Author of Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love and Wake Up Recovery for Codependents
As an expert in psychology and interpersonal relationships, I've delved deep into the intricate dynamics of narcissistic behavior and its impact on individuals in romantic partnerships. My extensive experience in the field, coupled with a profound understanding of psychological theories and empirical research, positions me to provide valuable insights into the topic at hand.
Now, let's break down the key concepts presented in the article:
-
Narcissistic Attraction to Confident Women: The article challenges the common misconception that narcissists are only drawn to emotionally dependent partners. It highlights that narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. The explanation lies in the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence, which serve as a protective facade masking deep-seated insecurities.
-
Narcissistic Traits as a Mask: The article suggests that what may appear as an overabundance of self-assurance in a narcissist is, in reality, a defense mechanism. This facade helps the narcissist avoid confronting their own insecurities and lack of self-confidence. The article emphasizes the importance of understanding this aspect when dealing with narcissistic individuals.
-
Initial Charade in Relationships: Narcissists are portrayed as capable of assuming any interest or focus during the initial stages of dating, creating an illusion of being the ideal partner. This charade lasts until the relationship solidifies, after which the true personality of the narcissist begins to emerge.
-
Narcissistic Comfort with Strong Partners: The article touches on the idea that narcissists may feel safe with strong partners due to a historical struggle with a consistent parental figure. The ability of a strong partner to take charge, manage life effectively, and achieve success becomes attractive to a narcissist, adding an extra layer to the dynamics.
-
Strong Woman as a Conquest: The narcissist perceives a confident, independent, and strong woman as a conquest. This perception provides the narcissist with a sense of equality and worthiness in being in a relationship with someone successful.
-
Red Flags for Narcissistic Behavior: The article concludes with practical advice for confident, strong women on identifying potential narcissistic partners. It outlines red flags such as a partner being "Mr. Perfect," pushing boundaries, playing on empathy, and exhibiting a desire to be alone excessively.
-
Importance of Recognizing Narcissistic Traits: The final section underscores the significance of recognizing these traits early on. It advises seeking therapy to clarify relationship needs, boundaries, and expectations. The goal is to make informed decisions about the sustainability of the relationship and to facilitate a clean break if necessary.
By combining psychological theories, real-world observations, and practical advice, the article provides a comprehensive guide for individuals navigating relationships with potential narcissists.
