What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (2024)

  • This page, What does an unhealthy relationship look like?, is offered by
  • Governor's Council to Address Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence and Human Trafficking
  • Department of Public Health

This is a part of the resource: RESPECTfully: Healthy Relationships Among Youth

This is a part of the resource: RESPECTfully: Healthy Relationships Among Youth

  • What is a healthy relationship?
  • What does an unhealthy relationship look like?
  • How can I help my friend in an unhealthy relationship?
    • Take the RESPECTfully Healthy Relationships Quiz
    • Online resources for youth
    • Information for parents and advocates

Learn about unhealthy characteristics you should look for in your relationship and tips for what you can do if you think that you are in an unhealthy relationship.

What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (1)

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Unhealthy characteristics

  • Control:one person makes most of or all of the decisions and/or tries to isolate the other person from their friends and family
  • Dependence:one person says they can’t live without the other and / or threatens to do something drastic if the relationship ends
  • Digital monitoring or “clocking”:one person uses social media to keep tabs on the other person and may demand quick responses to messages or texts
  • Dishonesty:one person lies to, steals from, or keeps information from the other
  • Disrespect:one person makes fun of the other or talks about them behind their back
  • Hostility:one person picks fights with the other, which may lead to changes in behavior to avoid upsetting them
  • Harassment:one person uses unwanted, unwelcome,and uninvited behavior that makes the otherfeel unsafe
  • Intimidation:one person tries to make the other fearful or timid. This may include threatening violence or a break-up
  • Physical violence:one person uses force such as throwing things, hitting, slapping, grabbing, or shoving to get their way
  • Sexual violence:one person pressures or forces the other into sexual activity against their will or without consent

(Adapted fromYouth.gov)

Addressing your unhealthy relationship

What can you do if you think your relationship is an unhealthy relationship?

Unhealthy relationships are built on power and control. In the beginning,unhealthy behaviors might not seem like a big deal. However, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, put-downs, shoving, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are unhealthy and disrespectful.

You deserve to be respected.

If you think your relationship is unhealthy, focus on your safety, talk to someone you trust, or contact a service provider for support.

What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (2)

Focus on your safety

  • You can’t force someone to change, especially if the other person doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong.
  • Trust your gut. If you feel like something is not right, listen to that inner voice.
  • Relationships shouldn’t drain you. If yours is, think about ending it. You deserve to feel good in your relationships.Learn more about safe break-ups.
  • Keep an eye on your stress levels, try to get enough sleep, and be sure to spend time with friends and family. Support systems can help you feel less isolated.
What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (3)

Talk to someone you trust

You don’t have to handle an unhealthy relationship alone. If you are ready to talk about your situation, find someone you trust. This might be a family member, friend, teacher, counselor, coach, coworker, or someone else. Start by asking them to listen and move at the pace you’re comfortable with.

If you don’t know how to begin the conversation, try:

  • “I haven’t been feeling good about my relationship. Can I talk to you about it?”
  • “Do you have any advice about dealing with someone who isn’t treating me right?”
  • “I don’t know that I’m ready to leave yet, but can I share some things with you about issues happening in my relationship?”
What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (4)
What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (5)

Contact a service provider

If you ever feel like you’re in physical danger, please call 911 if you are safe to do so.

Search for local service providerswho can help you understand your options and find resources and/or support.

You can also call the 24/7 National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at (866) 331-9474 or text: loveis to 22522.

What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (6)

Set up a safety plan

Although you can’t change your partner or friend’s behavior, you can make changes in your own life to stay safe.

Creating a safety plan—a personalized, practical plan to help keep you safe if you are in an abusive relationship—is something you should put together with an advocate who can guide and support you throughout the process. A personal safety plan will address your physical safety and emotional safety and may include information about how to leave your relationship andfind support legally or withlaw enforcement. For more information visit: Teen Safety Plan | loveisrespect.org.

What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (7)

Now that you know the signs of both healthy and unhealthy behaviors, you can take the RESPECTfully Healthy Relationships Quiz. Or, if you suspect that someone you care about may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship of any kind, learn how you can support them.

What does an unhealthy relationship look like? (2024)

FAQs

What does an unhealthy relationship look like? ›

Unhealthy relationships are built on power and control. In the beginning, unhealthy behaviors might not seem like a big deal. However, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, put-downs, shoving, pushing or other abusive behaviors, are unhealthy and disrespectful. You deserve to be respected.

What are the characteristics of an unhealthy relationship? ›

Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include:
  • Control. One dating partner makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. ...
  • Hostility. ...
  • Dishonesty. ...
  • Disrespect. ...
  • Dependence. ...
  • Intimidation. ...
  • Physical violence. ...
  • Sexual violence.

How do people feel in an unhealthy relationship? ›

In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel like you always have to walk on eggshells around the other person. Or you might feel like you always have to hide what you really think or feel. You might even feel like you have to give up the things that you really want in order to keep the other person happy.

Can an unhealthy relationship be harmful? ›

A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship in which one or both partners exhibit controlling, manipulative, or abusive behaviors. These behaviors can manifest in various ways, including emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Toxic relationships can leave individuals feeling helpless, insecure, and traumatized.

What is a word for unhealthy relationship? ›

A dysfunctional relationship that typically involves abuse or violence. dysfunctional relationship. toxic relationship. abusive relationship. bad relationship.

How to identify a toxic relationship? ›

Recognizing these behaviors is important in identifying toxic relationships and taking steps toward healthier interactions.
  1. Gaslighting.
  2. Degrading. Degrading makes someone feel worthless through belittling comments, mockery, or criticism. ...
  3. Hypercritical. ...
  4. Blaming.
  5. Jealousy.
  6. Suspicion. ...
  7. Controlling. ...
  8. Egocentricity.
Mar 13, 2024

What do healthy relationships look like? ›

Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.

What is the difference between toxic and unhealthy relationships? ›

The key difference between an unhealthy relationship and a toxic one is that in some cases, an unhealthy relationship can get healthy. A toxic one has reached the point of no return. And no amount of denial or fear is going to change that.

What is an unstable relationship? ›

In an unstable relationship, you regularly have problems and conflicts with your partner or you are having trouble with establishing longlasting and healthy friendships. It can feel like the relationship is on thin ice that can break at any moment.

What are the three stages of an unhealthy relationship? ›

Learn how to identify a toxic relationship from the beginning. Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding.

What are the five types of unhealthy relationships? ›

The 5 types of unhealthy relationships are abusive, resentful, carefree, stagnant, and enabler.

Is my relationship healthy or toxic? ›

Serious signs that a relationship might be toxic include physical or emotional abuse, lying, cheating, gaslighting, dislike, and distrust. Understanding that this is just not the smart thing to be engaged in is a good place to start.

How to tell if someone is bad for you? ›

What Is a Toxic Person?
  • You feel like you're being manipulated into something you don't want to do.
  • You're constantly confused by the person's behavior.
  • You feel like you deserve an apology that never comes.
  • You always have to defend yourself to this person.
  • You never feel fully comfortable around them.
Dec 18, 2022

Can a bad relationship change your personality? ›

Unhealthy relationships might make you a worse person.

Sometimes self-growth can pull you towards unhealthy habits or behaviors, or make you more anxious, whiny, crude, or hurtful. The potential negative changes from relationships reveal the importance of your partner choice.

Am I the bad one in the relationship? ›

If you are showing up in a harmful way in your relationship, you may find that you are constantly on edge — always on the brink of saying something hurtful,” said Choi. “Unprocessed emotions can lead to 'toxic' behavior patterns, such as lashing out at your partner or shutting down ― stonewalling.

What is considered a red flag in a relationship? ›

Someone who lies, someone who is manipulative, someone who gives you the 'silent treatment' during a conflict are all examples of red flags in a relationship. The above may sound logical in black and white, but recognising these red flags in your own relationship or when you are dating someone is not always so easy.

When should you step out of a relationship? ›

Here's the deal – if you're always feeling miserable, can't talk without arguing, have totally different life goals, or deal with any kind of abuse, it's time to seriously think about ending it. Trust issues, feeling like you can't be yourself, and never resolving problems are big warning signs too.

When should you consider ending a relationship? ›

There's no emotional connection

If you're not sharing what's really on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone, or it's difficult to have engaging conversations, your bond could be getting weaker.

How do you know your body is rejecting your partner? ›

Heightened Anxiety: If you begin experiencing anxiety attacks and negative thoughts, such as feelings of low self-esteem, it could be your body signaling that this person is not right for you.

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