Study: The Most Passive-Aggressive Phrases, Ranked (2024)

Say you forget to wish your friend a happy birthday. When you see them and apologize, they give a tight smile and say, “No, I’m not mad!” but continue to act cold and distant. Despite your attempts to talk through the issue, they refuse to acknowledge their feelings. This friend, whether or not they realize it, is exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior.

Passive-aggressive behavior takes many forms, but it always refers to someone adopting indirect expressions of negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. These expressions can manifest verbally, such as your friend denying their anger, or through actions, such as avoidance. Unfortunately, passive aggression makes it difficult to communicate effectively or productively solve conflicts.

Recently, we surveyed more than 1,200 people about their experience with passive-aggressive communication and behaviors. We also asked them to rank the most passive-aggressive phrases in English, in settings like work, casual conversation, and online.

Key Findings

• The most passive-aggressive people, according to Americans, are their coworkers (20%), mothers (18%) and friends (16%).
• The worst passive-aggressive phrases you could say include “You’re too sensitive,” “Why are you getting so upset?” and “No offense, but…”
• 73% experience passive-aggressive communication at work; and 52% of those experience it at least weekly.
• At work, three of the most passive-aggressive phrases are “as you no doubt are aware…,” “for future reference” and “friendly reminder.”
• 69% think people are more passive-aggressive online than in person.

Who is the most passive-aggressive?

According to our survey, 99% of Americans have experienced someone being passive-aggressive. While you might easily identify other people acting in a passive-aggressive way, it can be harder to reflect on your own inability to discuss difficult feelings. Still, 82% admit to being passive-aggressive themselves.

The most passive-aggressive people, according to Americans, are their coworkers (20%), mothers (18%) and friends (16%). Looking at regions of the United States, the Northeast and South tie for the most passive-aggressive region (33%), although differences among regional communication styles and phrases can easily be viewed as being passive-aggressive without context. For example, the culture around politeness in the South might be viewed as fake politeness to someone from another region.

In fact, fake politeness is rated as the worst example of passive-aggressive behavior, according to 24% of respondents. Other behaviors ranking among the worst include fake or feigned innocence (17%) and weaponized kindness (14%). People use weaponized kindness by being overly kind as a manipulation tactic.

Overall, 83% of respondents indicated would end a relationship if the other party was being consistently passive-aggressive.

The worst passive-aggressive phrases, ranked

Tone and context help decode whether someone is being passive-aggressive, and respondents rated the following phrases, when said in a passive-aggressive tone, as the worst things to hear.

The five worst passive-aggressive phrases in English are:

1. “You’re too sensitive.”
2. “Why are you getting so upset?”
3. “No offense, but…”
4. “Whatever—”
5. “If that’s what you want to do…”

Respondents rated the common threads among these phrases to be the worst, with shifting blame (“you’re too sensitive” and “why are you getting so upset?”) getting 26%, being judgmental or patronizing (“no offense, but…” and “if that’s what you want to do…”) netting 16% and denying anger (“whatever”) receiving 15%. Said in a passive-aggressive manner, all of these phrases make clear that what the speaker is saying and feeling are not the same.

Over half of Americans are passive-aggressive at work

Many Americans have used social media to joke about how workplace communication comes off as passive-aggressive. Besides the fact that business idioms and phrases notoriously communicate unclear meanings, some of your colleagues may rely on passive-aggressive communication because it’s not seen as professional to be directly angry or frustrated with a client, coworker or boss.

That may explain why 73% of Americans report experiencing passive aggression at work, and it’s not a rare occurrence. Of those who have experienced it in the workplace, 52% encounter passive aggression at least weekly.

Looking further, 52% of Americans admit to being passive-aggressive at work. The root of the problem could be that 39% of people don’t feel free to directly express their feelings while at work. But even if they do, they might not be received well in the workplace. In fact, 38% feel their workplace actually incentivizes passive-aggressive communication.

Even though it is common, those in the workplace do not desire passive-aggressive communication. According to our survey, 47% of Americans would quit a job if a coworker, client, or manager was consistently passive-aggressive. Women (51%) were much more likely to quit over passive aggression than men (42%). Members of Generation Z (51%) and Millennials (48%) were more likely to quit than Baby Boomers (43%) and Generation X (44%).

The most passive-aggressive things said at work

You may have a hard time discerning what is the best way to communicate appropriately at work, but according to our respondents, the following passive-aggressive phrases rank as the worst to hear in a professional setting.

The five worst passive-aggressive phrases at work are:

1. “As you no doubt are aware…”
2. “For future reference”
3. “Friendly reminder”
4. “CC’ing [my boss] for visibility”
5. “Per my last email”

Looking at these phrases, you can detect a hint of frustration or lack of transparency in each. Often, in a professional setting, when clients are not getting back to you, or your coworker keeps making you repeat a conversation you’ve had a million times, it can be hard to say exactly what you feel. If you find yourself using one of these phrases, there might be a way to be more transparent about your feelings.

And for fun, we compiled a list of the most common first names of passive-aggressive coworkers, according to our respondents: For men, it’s John, Bill and Bob, and for women, it’s Jen, Mary and Heather.

Is passive-aggressive communication worse online?

Since body language cannot be read and tone is hard to gauge, communicating a message online and in-person cause quite different effects. Online communication can feel like a language all its own, which adds another potential layer of passive-aggressiveness.

According to 69% of respondents, people are more passive-aggressive online (in emails, texts, and on social media) than in person. When self-reflecting, 44% admit to being more passive-aggressive online themselves.

Particularly when it comes to texting, it can be easy to be seen as passive-aggressive. When it comes to texting, 44% say one-word answers make the most passive-aggressive texts. Respondents consider being “left on read” (28%) and reacting to a message but not responding (17%) as passive-aggressive moves.

If you’re trying to avoid being passive-aggressive over text, consider avoiding the following most passive-aggressive texts, ranked:

1. “K”
2. “Nevermind”
3. “???”
4. “Fine”
5. “Sure”
6. “Yup”
7. “Ha”
8. “No worries”
9. “IDK”

Conclusion

Be direct with anyone you suspect of being passive-aggressive. You can calmly point out their behavior, and invite them to share how they really feel. If they do not respond well or consistently repeat the behavior, remove yourself by limiting your time with them, or try to mediate with a third party, such as human resources or a counselor.

Learning to communicate directly may not come easy at first if you’re not used to it. It can feel like you’re learning English for the first time again, but in the long run, your relationships and workplace will be better for it.

Methodology: On April 23 and 23, 2022, we surveyed 1,264 people on their experience with passive-aggressive communication and behaviors. 50% of respondents identified as men, 48% identified as women and 2% identified as nonbinary. Of the respondents, 14% were of the Baby Boomer generation, 25% were Generation X, 45% were Millennials and 16% were Generation Z.