Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship.
Bearing that in mind can inform how you respond. Although it can be tempting to react by being passive-aggressive yourself, expressing anger or frustration will likely spur the person to continue behaving the same way. Demonstrating that you value the passive-aggressive person's perspective may help if you are thereby addressing an underlying sense of insecurity. But you should not apologize for unfounded offenses or otherwise placate them.
If at all possible, the best solution is often to limit the time you spend in their presence. But if you determine that confrontation is the best path forward, avoid being accusatory as you calmly explain how the behavior makes you feel.
FAQs
Passive-aggressive behavior is when you express negative feelings indirectly instead of openly talking about them. During World War II, when soldiers wouldn't follow officers' orders, experts described them as “passive-aggressive.” A new term back then, but still relevant today.
What is an example of passive-aggressive? ›
Sulking, backhanded compliments, procrastination, withdrawal, and refusal to communicate are all passive-aggressive behaviors. When the other person begins acting in such a way, try to keep your anger in check. Instead, point out the other person's feelings in a way that is non-judgmental, yet factual.
Is it bad to be passive-aggressive? ›
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. However, passive-aggressive behavior can interfere with relationships and cause difficulties on the job.
What is the root cause of passive-aggressive behavior? ›
There are many possible causes of passive aggression, such as fear of conflict, difficulty expressing emotions, low self-esteem and a lack of assertiveness. People who tend to be more introverted may also struggle with expressing their needs or wants directly.
How to tell if someone is being passive-aggressive? ›
A passive-aggressive person is a master of hinting at their feelings without expressing them directly. They may reference an earlier incident without stating their feelings about it or speak about a similar situation and how they feel about that incident instead.
What is the most common passive-aggressive? ›
Sarcasm is the most obvious form of passive aggression, and possibly the most hurtful. Your audience may have no idea that you're upset, much less why you're upset. You're just dumping your feelings on them with little context. What to say instead: Examine why you're upset.
What is the six word phrase to stop passive-aggressive behavior? ›
The good news is that there is a way to stop this behavior, both in ourselves and in others. The key is to remember this six-word phrase: "Attack the problem, not the person."
How do passive-aggressive people act? ›
Some common forms of passive aggression include avoiding responsibility for tasks, procrastinating and even missing deadlines, withholding critical information, and frequently underachieving relative to what one is capable of producing.
Is passive-aggressive manipulation? ›
People can be passive-aggressive for many reasons that aren't always intended to manipulate. But chronic (long-term) manipulators will use this tactic to make you feel guilty and give backhanded compliments. They are doing this to show anger without directly being angry, making you feel confused.
What mental illness is passive-aggressive? ›
Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) is a condition in which a person does not directly express negative feelings, but instead expresses them indirectly and subtly. Like all personality disorders, PAPD is generally not diagnosed in people under the age of 18.
Many people don't realize that they're being passive-aggressive. The behavior may feel “normal” to them. Or they might think it's the best way to avoid hurting someone's feelings or to prevent something bad from happening, like losing their job.
Is silent treatment passive-aggressive? ›
Silence and non-responsiveness are not only passive-aggressive forms of manipulation and attention seeking; they can also be used as tools to promote changes in behavior.
What does a passive-aggressive person want? ›
To compensate for one's inability to speak directly and solve problems assertively, a passive-aggressive individual may resort to covert means of manipulation, domination, and control in order to gain leverage. In a twisted way, one feels more powerful by agitating, frustrating, disappointing, and/or failing others.
Do passive aggressives know what they are doing? ›
Limited Awareness. The passive-aggressive is somewhat aware of the fact that she or he is resisting but does not recognize it as passive-aggressiveness per se; they just do what they do. They are not cognizant of, or concerned with, the destructive impact of passive-aggression.
What childhood trauma causes passive-aggressive behavior? ›
Unprocessed, walled-off, fomenting anger has a way of finding its way to the surface. This is what puts those who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect(CEN) at greater risk than others for behaving passive aggressively.
What is an example of passive behavior? ›
Passive behavior includes violating y our own rights through inaction or by failing to express your thoughts, feelings, or desires. Example: “We can do whatever you want. Your ideas are probably better than mine.” Aggressive Behavior is when someone stands up for their own rights without regard for others.
