Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. There's a disconnect between what a person who exhibits passive-aggressive behavior says and what he or she does.
For example, someone who engages in passive-aggressive behavior might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than complying with the request, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by failing to follow through or missing deadlines.
Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include:
- Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority
- Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands
- Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude
- Frequent complaints about feeling underappreciated or cheated
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. However, passive-aggressive behavior can interfere with relationships and cause difficulties on the job. If you're struggling with passive-aggressive behavior — or you think a loved one is — consider consulting a therapist.
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March 27, 2024
- Skodol A, et al. Approaches to the therapeutic relationship in patients with personality disorders. https://www.uptodate.com/contents/search. Accessed Nov. 11, 2021.
- Roberts LW, et al. Personality pathology and personality disorders. In: The American Psychiatric Association Publishing Textbook of Psychiatry; 7th ed. American Psychiatric Publishing; 2019. https://psychiatryonline.org. Accessed Nov. 11, 2021.
- Laverdiere O, et al. Interpersonal problems associated with passive-aggressive personality disorder. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease. 2019; doi:10.1097/NMD.0000000000001044.
- Sadock BJ, et al., eds. Personality disorders. In: Kaplan & Sadock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry. 10th ed. Wolters Kluwer; 2017. https://ovidsp.ovid.com. Accessed Nov. 11, 2021.
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FAQs
Instead of offering praise when it's due, they typically downplay or ignore others' achievements. They might also use sarcasm as a weapon to attack colleagues (pretending that they are joking), or spread harmful rumors . Another common passive-aggressive behavior is to be disruptive.
How do you identify a passive-aggressive person? ›
Here are some red flags that indicate if someone is being passive-aggressive:
- Resenting or opposing others' instructions outright, though they may still do what they're told.
- Delaying a task that someone else requested or making intentional mistakes.
- Having a sarcastic or argumentative attitude.
Sulking, backhanded compliments, procrastination, withdrawal, and refusal to communicate are all passive-aggressive behaviors. When the other person begins acting in such a way, try to keep your anger in check. Instead, point out the other person's feelings in a way that is non-judgmental, yet factual.
What is the root cause of passive-aggressive behavior? ›
Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship. Bearing that in mind can inform how you respond.
What mental illness makes you passive-aggressive? ›
Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) is a condition in which a person does not directly express negative feelings, but instead expresses them indirectly and subtly. Like all personality disorders, PAPD is generally not diagnosed in people under the age of 18.
What is the six word phrase to stop passive-aggressive behavior? ›
Remember the six-word phase: Attack the problem, not the person. You want to turn the passive-aggression into active peace. Clear communication is the key.
What are passive-aggressive phrases in relationships? ›
For example, some common passive-aggressive phrases could be, “I wouldn't expect you to understand”, “That's a big accomplishment, especially for you”, or "I guess it must be nice to always have so much free time for yourself”.
How does a passive-aggressive person act? ›
Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include: Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority. Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands. Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude.
Is silent treatment passive-aggressive? ›
Silence and non-responsiveness are not only passive-aggressive forms of manipulation and attention seeking; they can also be used as tools to promote changes in behavior.
What do passive-aggressive people fear? ›
Fear of conflict:
People may be afraid of how the other person will react if they express themselves openly. Difficulty expressing emotions: Some people may find it difficult to express anger or frustration, so they resort to passive aggression as a way of venting their feelings.
Practice direct communication: Passive-aggressive behavior often stems from a fear of confrontation or an inability to express emotions directly. Practice communicating directly and assertively, without being aggressive or hostile. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and be specific about your expectations.
How to handle a passive-aggressive narcissist? ›
If you're dealing with a passive-aggressive narcissist, start by talking to your healthcare provider. They can connect you with resources like local mental health professionals and counselors. Ideally, you should work with a provider who is knowledgeable about narcissism.
