How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (2024)

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1For an amicable breakup: around 30 days.

2For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days.

3If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days.

4For an especially toxic separation: indefinitely.

5To try getting back with your ex: around 1-2 weeks.

6If your feelings are still unsorted: as long as you need.

7How do I know if no contact is working?

8Why do people go no contact?

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Co-authored byKate Dreyfusand Eric McClure

Last Updated: October 10, 2022References

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The point of the no contact rule is to give yourself time to get over the messy feelings associated with your ex. Basically, you cut them off entirely—block them on social media, block their phone number, and don’t contact them—and that alone time gives you the space to heal and move on. But how long will it be before you start feeling better? How much time needs to pass before you can feel comfortable talking to your ex? We’ve got you covered with everything you need to know about giving yourself the time you need to heal.

Section 1 of 8:

For an amicable breakup: around 30 days.

  1. 1

    If this was mutual, give yourself about a month to move on. The goal here is to sort things out for yourself and take some time to heal, reflect, and move on. Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better.[1]

    • While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren’t ready, it’s totally okay to extend your period of no contact.
  2. 2

    Let your ex know what you’re doing to smooth things over. If the breakup really was smooth and you know you might want to reconnect with your ex as friends in the future, feel free to tell them what you’re doing. You can just shoot them a text and explain why you’re going to go MIA for a while—it shouldn’t be a big deal.[2]

    • You could say, “Hey, just a head’s up, I’m going to block you on social media for a while and I won’t answer the phone. You didn’t do anything wrong or anything, but I just need some space to focus on me if that’s okay.”
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Section 2 of 8:

For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days.

  1. 1

    If the two of you were together for at least 6 months, take 2 months off. The length of the relationship matters when it comes to the no contact rule. If the two of you were together for 6-12 months (or longer), give yourself at least 60 days before you think about reaching out. You’re probably going through a lot if you’ve broken up with someone you were with for a while, and it’s okay if it takes a little longer to process that.[3]

  2. 2

    In the meantime, do things you enjoy and distract yourself. Go hang out with friends, pursue your passions, and engage with your hobbies. Give yourself a day or two to mourn the loss and then try to return to a normal routine.[4]Work out, eat healthy, and get plenty of sleep. Whatever you’re feeling during this time is totally valid, and rest assured that this will get easier.[5]

    • You can tell the new contact rule is working if things start to improve over a few weeks. Some people think “no contact rule” means “take a week off from talking to them,” but give yourself plenty of runway here.
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Section 3 of 8:

If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days.

  1. Some relationships end with a bit of chaos, so don’t rush things. Give yourself roughly 3 months to recover before reaching out. If the relationship ended in a shouting match or the two of you were throwing insults back and forth, it can take extra time to let the anger and frustration go—and that’s totally okay! Once the anger subsides, you’ll have plenty of time to sort out your other feelings.[6]

    • If the breakup was kind of dramatic and sudden, you may want to reach out after a week or two. While that’s always an option, it’s still probably best to take a few months to cool off.[7]
    • If they reach out first to repair things and you want that as well but it hasn’t been at least 90 days, go ahead and tell them. Say something like, “Hey, I do want to reconnect and repair things, but I also kind of need time to cool off. Please give a few weeks to figure out how I feel before we reconnect.”

Section 4 of 8:

For an especially toxic separation: indefinitely.

  1. 1

    If they were abusive or things were always bad, cut them off forever. No contact is especially important if you were in a bad situation. It gives you time to get some perspective and figure out just how rewarding life can be without your awful ex. You deserve better, so don’t look back until you’re absolutely clear that’s what you want.[8]

    • If you were with an abusive person or they had a tendency to gaslight you into thinking things are your fault, it can cross some wires in your head. Show yourself some love and take as much time as you need to recover.[9]
  2. 2

    Something should change dramatically before you reconnect. With a toxic ex, your best option is to move on in life. But if you really do want to reach out in the future (like…far future), look to see if something has dramatically changed before going through with it. If they were an alcoholic, they should be in treatment. If they were verbally abusive, they should be in anger management. Don’t return to someone who treated you wrong if they refuse to change.[10]

    • Just to clarify, this may take years. Don’t plan on reaching out to a toxic ex any time soon—even if you really, really want to.
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Section 5 of 8:

To try getting back with your ex: around 1-2 weeks.

  1. 1

    If you want your ex back, try reaching out after a week or two. Some people use the “no contact” rule to try and get their ex back after they’ve been broken up with. It’s a good move—especially if it feels like maybe your ex was on the fence about breaking up. Wait 1-2 weeks for them to realize how empty their life is without you. Then, send them a text or call them to see how they’re doing.[11]

    • If they hit you up in the meantime, let them know you need some time to figure out what you want. This kind of sends the signal that you’re still weighing your options—which should make them want you even more!
  2. 2

    Play it cool when you do reconnect after the no contact rule. Take it slow and be smooth. Emphasize that you’ve been hanging out with friends and having fun. You don’t want to make them despair, but your ex also shouldn’t feel like they hold all the cards. If this is going to work, it’s because your ex broke up and regrets the decision. But if you just come right out of the gates saying how empty you are without them, they may not feel like they need you the same way you need them.[12]

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Section 6 of 8:

If your feelings are still unsorted: as long as you need.

  1. While you typically want to wait 30-90 days, it totally depends on you. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to recovering from a tough breakup. If your 30 or 60 or whatever number of days passes and you don’t really feel ready to move on, then don’t. It’s okay to take more time, and it’s totally okay to not know how long that is.[13]

    • One way to figure out if you’re “done” with the no contact rule is to ask yourself, “If I found out that he/she/they fell in love and started going out with someone new, would I be upset?” If the answer is that you’d feel nothing at all, you’re done![14]

Section 7 of 8:

How do I know if no contact is working?

  1. It’s working if you’re less interested in your ex with each passing week. At first, no contact is probably going to be tough. You’ll want to reach out and fill that void left by your ex. If you don’t contact them and you get past that urge, it will be easier tomorrow. If it is easier, your no contact rule is working! Each week, you should find yourself thinking less and less about your ex. Eventually, you’ll get past the pain and come out stronger on the other side.[15]

    • If you find yourself thinking more and more about your ex over the next few weeks or months, consider seeing a therapist. They can really help you work through what you’re feeling.
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Section 8 of 8:

Why do people go no contact?

  1. The goal is to focus on yourself and heal. It’s hard to “get back to normal” if you’re constantly interacting with the person who put you in this headspace in the first place. By spending time away from your ex, you’ll create an environment where you can heal, process your emotions, and reflect on the experience on your own. This is healthy, and it’s a key part of moving on.[16]

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  • Question

    What if I feel like I just can't do no contact?

    How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (15)

    Kate Dreyfus
    Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

    Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

    How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (16)

    Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

    Expert Answer

    No contact is ideal, but if you just aren't in an environment where you can do that, at least go for limited contact. The more space you have, the better. But if you just can't help but interact with them because you go to school together or you work at the same place, just minimize the amount of time you spend talking to them.

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  • Question

    How do you know if the no contact rule is actually working?

    How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (17)

    Kate Dreyfus
    Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

    Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

    How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (18)

    Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

    Expert Answer

    If you feel your own sense of wellbeing improving and you're starting to feel a sense of closure, it's working. If you aren't feeling that right now, it's okay. Just give it time.

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  • Question

    Does no contact work every time?

    How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (19)

    Kate Dreyfus
    Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

    Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

    How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (20)

    Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

    Expert Answer

    I don't know if it's possible to say something is always going to work when it comes to a process as like recovering from heartbreak, but no contact is certainly one of the more reliable options here.

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    Thank you for your feedback.
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      How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (21)

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      Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

      This article was co-authored by Kate Dreyfus and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University. This article has been viewed 93,136 times.

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      How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (2024)

      FAQs

      How long does it take for the no contact rule to work? ›

      At the very least, the no contact rule requires that you keep radio silence for 30 days after the breakup. Depending on your situation, that void might have to extent for a few more weeks or months. The goal of no contact is to give you the power of silence after break up.

      How long is no contact most effective? ›

      The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

      How long does no contact take for them to miss you? ›

      In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.” We're going show you how we came to this conclusion by drawing on our knowledge on, Attachment Styles.

      How long will it take for him to miss me? ›

      According to the experts, it will take between two to four months before he starts feeling lonely. He'll be doing everything possible to block out his emotions during this time. But once he surrenders to them, he'll start missing you.

      Will my ex miss me if I don't contact him? ›

      Will my ex forget me during No contact? No, your ex won't forget about you during the No Contact Rule. It will be just a way to give your ex a distant and different approach to you. On the contrary, it will be a tool to make your ex cross his or her mind without being too clingy on this person.

      How do you know he won't come back? ›

      Signs He Will Never Come Back
      1. He's in a healthy relationship. ...
      2. You're gone from his social media accounts. ...
      3. He tells mutual friends he doesn't want you in his life anymore. ...
      4. No eye contact. ...
      5. He's stuck on your past relationship. ...
      6. You got all of your things back. ...
      7. He doesn't want to spend time with you. ...
      8. Rejecting your calls.
      6 Jul 2022

      What no contact does to a man? ›

      The male mind during no contact

      The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

      Does no contact work on stubborn man? ›

      In fact, most say that their ex is uniquely stubborn – more so than other exes or other people. While I'm not suggesting that you are wrong in thinking that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse is stubborn, this trait would not negate the impact of The No Contact Rule in the vast majority of cases.

      Does no contact make someone come back? ›

      Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.

      Is 2 month no contact enough? ›

      There's no time frame. You shouldn't even be worried about how long it'd take. As long it takes, it's up to them to reach out again. If they don't, you move on with your life (it's hard but it gets better) .

      What is he thinking after a week of no contact? ›

      After several days, he'll wonder what you're doing and why you're silent. It's common for most men to expect (or hope) that their ex will be the one to break the ice, and he'll worry when you haven't called or texted in a week. He'll be obsessed with trying to figure out what you're thinking.

      How long do men take to come back? ›

      For males, there's a lot more variance. It may take a few minutes, an hour, several hours, a day, or even longer. As you get older, 12 to 24 hours may pass before your body is able to become aroused again.

      How can I make him miss me desperately? ›

      If you want to get a guy to miss you, take a break for a few days from calling or texting him or posting on social media so he'll have a chance to wonder what you're up to. If he calls or texts you first, wait 5-10 minutes before you return his calls or messages, and try to be the one who ends the conversation first.

      How long does it take a man to forget a woman? ›

      "It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...

      Will silence make my ex miss me? ›

      Radio silence simply refers to the act of being distant from your partner in order to make him come back to you. When done the right way, it allows your ex to miss and crave you more. It reaffirms and reawakens the feels he has for you, compelling him to come back.

      How do you know ex is thinking about you? ›

      If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you, whether, via an unfriend or a straight block, it might mean that they miss you.

      What no contact does to a woman? ›

      Going 'no-contact' with someone you spent a lot of time with and planned a future with can be painful. A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely. While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.

      How do you know when a guy is done with you? ›

      25 telltale signs that the relationship is over for him
      • He's asking for too much space, it doesn't make sense. ...
      • You feel it deep within. ...
      • You are also losing interest in the relationship. ...
      • Communicating with him is like talking to the statue of liberty. ...
      • He no longer initiates sex. ...
      • Having sex with you feels like a chore.
      28 Dec 2021

      How do you make him come back to me fast? ›

      To make him want you back, first give him space to heal and realize how much he misses you. For example, you should stop texting and calling if you can, and wait for him to contact you first, which could take a couple weeks. While you spend time apart, focus on yourself and working through your feelings.

      How long does it take for a guy to get no contact back? ›

      While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.

      Is one month enough no contact? ›

      Whether it's 60 days or no contact for another 30 days. If 30 days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you, then you should give him or her their space. Every break up is different and no written rule says that it's a 30-day cap. Some people can go for 3 months with no-contact.

      Who should break no contact first? ›

      Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.

      Is 21 days enough for no contact? ›

      Generally speaking the sweet spot in no contact is right around the 30 day period. In other words, the vast majority of situations are going to fall under it. However, lets say that you have a really good chance to get your ex back and you know in your heart that your situation is conducive to success.

      How do you know if he misses you without contact? ›

      15 signs he is missing you during no-contact
      • Everyone around him knows he is depressed. This may not mean a lot to you, except when you are looking at a guy who used to be outspoken and boisterous. ...
      • He now spends much time online. ...
      • He refrains from dating for a long time. ...
      • He tries “too hard” to flirt with other girls.
      29 Apr 2022

      Should I message him during no contact? ›

      Yes, you can just continue the no contact period indefinitely, but sending a message like this helps provide closure. If your ex was harboring hopes of getting back together, it'll help them realize they need to move on as well. Be polite but clear so there's no doubt about what you're saying. “Hope you're doing well.

      Why is he not reaching out during no contact? ›

      He might do it out of anger, because he misses you and wants to make you jealous, or that he just wants to show off that he is doing completely fine. Your ex chooses to not contact you during No Contact either way, if this new relationship is a rebound or that your relationship is over.

      How do you become strong in no contact rule? ›

      How to Master the 'No Contact Rule' — the Ultimate Breakup Tool
      1. Write a letter to yourself.
      2. Give yourself room to grieve.
      3. Make a list of the bad things your ex did.
      4. Start a self-care list.
      5. Have a breakup buddy.
      6. Work on yourself.
      7. Start a new hobby.
      8. Give yourself some structure.
      25 Sept 2022

      Why do men move on so quickly? ›

      “There are likely several reasons for this,” she says. “Men are not reinforced or socialized for emotional communication the same way as women, relationships may often have a different functionality for men, and men at a certain younger age may not feel the same pressure about family planning and marriage.”

      How long does it take for an ex to reach out? ›

      Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days. There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.

      How do you know if your ex will come back? ›

      Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back
      1. 1 They leave your number unblocked.
      2. 2 They're sad weeks after the breakup.
      3. 3 They're active on your social media.
      4. 4 They haven't returned your things.
      5. 5 They keep in touch with your friends and family.
      6. 6 They initiate contact regularly.
      7. 7 They reminisce about the past.
      25 Oct 2022

      Do men respond to silence? ›

      Men respond to silence and distance emotionally. When they don't hear from you for a while, their male instinct pushes them to find you and know how you feel. They want to see if you are fine, if you miss them or whether you value their existence. Strangely enough, it doesn't matter if you like him to not.

      Can you make a man come twice? ›

      Through contracting the muscles right before ejaculation, and therefore preventing it, men still orgasm. By delaying that process, reports show that men had multiple orgasms within a few minutes of each other, according to Sexual Medicine Reviews.

      Why do men stop after they come? ›

      Prolactin represses dopamine, a key chemical in desire and motivation, and is linked both with sleepiness and feelings of sexual satisfaction. It's thus a de-arouser of sorts, and temporarily decreases men's desire for sex.

      How do I stay in his mind? ›

      Be a good listener. Wait to hear all he has to say and don't interrupt. Use the opportunity to talk as an opportunity for him to tell you more about himself, not as one for your own stories. For yourself, don't reveal too much too soon, as a sense of mystery will definitely leave you on his mind, wanting to know more.

      How do you let go of someone who doesn't want you? ›

      1. #2. Admit To Your Feelings. ...
      2. #3. Give Your Wounds Time To Recuperate. ...
      3. #4. Never Blame Yourself. ...
      4. #5. Share Your Feelings With Someone. ...
      5. #6. Cut-off All Ties With This Person. ...
      6. #7. Fall In Love With Yourself And Look After Yourself. ...
      7. #8. Try Some Physical Exercises. ...
      8. #9. Think Of The Positive Aspects.
      30 Jan 2021

      How long does it take for someone to forget something about you? ›

      Research on the forgetting curve (Figure 1) shows that within one hour, people will have forgotten an average of 50 percent of the information you presented. Within 24 hours, they have forgotten an average of 70 percent of new information, and within a week, forgetting claims an average of 90 percent of it.

      How do you know your ex doesn't miss you? ›

      15 painful signs he doesn't miss you
      1. You always start the conversation.
      2. He doesn't check how you are.
      3. He's busy all the time.
      4. He seems to be distracted when you're together.
      5. He doesn't give genuine excuses.
      6. Long-drawn-out responses to your phone calls or messages.
      7. He is unresponsive to your phone calls or messages.
      4 Jul 2022

      How do you know if the no contact rule is working? ›

      If the messages they're sending you change from sweet to angry, you'll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can't get ahold of you, they'll probably realize that you're not going to come around, and they'll get sad about what they've lost.

      Does the no contact rule actually work? ›

      The answer is still yes. Because the no contact rule offers many advantages. The good thing about it is that whether you're going to get back together or not, no contact is still your best way of healing from the relationship anyway and being able to move on.

      What are the 5 stages of no contact? ›

      These are the five stages you can expect your ex to feel during a no contact rule.
      • Calm And Assured Of Their Decision (3 Days To A Week)
      • Worry After They Don't Hear From You (Week To 2 Weeks)
      • Anger After They Realize They Are Being Ignored (2 Weeks To 2.5 Weeks)
      • Confrontation About What They Lost (2.5 Weeks to 3 Weeks)
      8 Feb 2021

      How long should no contact last to get back together? ›

      While you typically want to wait 30-90 days, it totally depends on you. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to recovering from a tough breakup. If your 30 or 60 or whatever number of days passes and you don't really feel ready to move on, then don't.

      Do dumpers come back? ›

      If you average all the reputable research on the ex recovery process and chances of getting your ex back, there's about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything. Those aren't exactly betting odds. That means six out of ten times you're probably not going to get your ex back.

      What if I fail the no contact rule? ›

      Exactly What You Should Be Doing If You made A Misstep

      You start the no contact rule all over again. It doesn't matter if you broke no contact on day 7 of a 30-day no contact period or day 28. You MUST start over each time because you're clearly still missing the whole point of the no contact rule.

      Is it weak to break no contact? ›

      No. As much as it may hurt to not be in communication with your ex, it is vital that you do not break this rule of no contact. As time passing not speaking to your ex, you may start to feel a little discouraged as to whether or not it's working.

      How do men react to no contact? ›

      The male mind during no contact

      The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

      How do you survive the no contact rule? ›

      Here are the steps:
      1. Do Not Respond. This goes without saying but you will no longer be speaking with your ex. ...
      2. Delete them on social media. Delete their profile on every form of social media. ...
      3. Put Everything away. ...
      4. Grieve. ...
      5. Get up and get out. ...
      6. Get to work. ...
      7. Stay the course. ...
      8. Love yourself.
      19 Feb 2022

      Do dumpers grieve? ›

      However, as time goes on, the dumper will start to miss certain aspects of the relationship and maybe even regret their decision. That's when the grieving process hits them. So, dumpees usually grieve first and dumpers grieve second but either way, there's a grieving process for both.

      What goes through dumpers mind? ›

      The dumper and the dumpee, both go through pain, anxiety, fear of loss, jealousy, hate, and reconsideration through different stages. That's why during the No contact the dumper and the dumpee swap the feelings interchangeably.

      How do dumpers feel? ›

      What Does The Dumper Feel After A Breakup? He probably has similar feelings to the dumpee. He may be feeling like his world's shattered now that the relationship is over, but he may still think he made the right call in ending the relationship. There's a good chance that he regrets the decision, though.

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