Breakups can be one of the toughest experiences of one’s life especially if they are the person being dumped. It can truly register in someone’s mind as a loss which can bring much grief. If you have experienced a breakup, then you might feel the urge to entertain feelings of betrayal or disregard. A breakup can call a lot into question for most people, things such as their worth, attractiveness, and overall self-image. It’s important for this loss not to be internalized or projected as it being your fault when it probably wasn’t any wrongdoing on your part. With following the No Contact Rule, a person could manifest their ex back without having to go through the different stages of grief.
Sometimes, people break up with their significant other simply out of frustration. It may not even be that they don’t want you anymore. They could honestly not know how to deal with overwhelming emotions. Thus, running away appears to be the easier option for them. Nonetheless, this is still not acceptable. A person who claims to value you should be able to try to communicate their feelings effectively or at least ask for time to collect one’s thoughts.
In other scenarios, a person just may not see your worth as yet. Or, they feel as though you will always be an option for them to return to. This is essentially the point of the No Contact Rule. Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone’s ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live. This independence will likely light a fire under them, making them want you even more.
How Does No Contact Work?
The 30 Day No Contact Rule requires that you have no contact with ex. This means you can not respond to or send any text calls or phone calls to your ex. This suspension of contact and radio silence can last anywhere from 30 days, 60 days, or a couple weeks period of no contact with your ex boyfriend/girlfriend. By having no contact with your ex for a considerably long time, they will begin to miss your presence and crave to hear your voice. If an ex reaching out before the 30 Day No Contact Rule is over, you still shouldn’t break no contact cold turkey. This might given them the impression that you are always accessible even if they choose to dump you. By not being in such a rush to communicate with them, it sends a clear message that you are choosing to spend time doing other things and that you are your number one priority.
Should I Call My Ex?
No. As much as it may hurt to not be in communication with your ex, it is vital that you do not break this rule of no contact. As time passing not speaking to your ex, you may start to feel a little discouraged as to whether or not it’s working. You may think in your head, “Does No Contact work?”. However, you shouldn’t entertain these doubts. Your ex is likely wonder why you have not reached out to them yet and may begin to feel regret for their decision. So, be strong and hold out as long as you can.
How to Cope:
Going without contact with an ex can add onto the pain dealing with the initial break up. Every ounce of your being may be convinced that you should reach out or respond to a text or answer that phone call. However, the no contact rule is solely about making a statement. This statement and precedent that is being set is showing others that you have a high regard for yourself. Nonetheless, it is still very natural to yearn for the attention and to desire your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. To make this process a bit a lot easier, you should limit yourself to any interaction with your ex. This includes not obsessing over them. Some people have a habit of stalking their ex’s social media page to see what they are up to. This secret monitoring may just add to your feelings of missing them and might also contribute to feelings of resentment. So, it is probably best for you to take a break from social media entirely. Seeing pictures of them online could likely trigger old emotions and nostalgia.
Also, you can also delete pictures you have of them to prevent yourself from scrolling through the “good ol’ times”. This is like opening up an old wound while it is trying to heal. Thus, it is best for you to just focus on yourself during this process. This might be easier for those in long-distance relationships as their is a strong unlikelihood to run into one’s ex. For those who’s ex’s live in their local neighborhood, you should probably find other stores to frequent as to not bump into your ex. This will give you the opportunity to expand your horizon, visit some new places, and meet some new people.
Speaking of new people, another way you can cope is to date someone new. Just because things are not working out with someone else, it doesn’t mean you are not desired. You don’t have to date with the intentions of getting into another relationship. However, you are dating to simply enjoy the company of someone else and have fun! You still owe it to yourself to live your life. This is why it is a perfect time to pursue new hobbies and focus on your personal goals. The more you focus on yourself, the easier it will be to successfully get through the No Contact Rule.
Does No Contact Work After a Breakup?
Does No Contact work after you and your ex break up? Well, the answer is that varies on the person. However, it does show the other party that you are not willing to be the chaser in this scenario. This can frustrate the other person who might have expected you to chase after them to the point where they begin to chase after you. It may take a bit longer for the person to come back immediately after a breakup if they have high hopes that you will be the first to reach out. Then, it becomes a waiting game. However, you don’t have to participate or wait for them to contact you. You should intentionally give them more time before you respond to them.
Does He Miss Me During No Contact?
Your absence will speak volumes as your ex sits with the reality of their decision to breakup with you. Some people breakup because they feel as though you are a convenience for them as you may give the impression of constant availability. If you’ve broken up with this person in the past, they may see a pattern of your willingness to accept them back. Some people unconsciously take love or forgiveness for granted. Not communicating with your ex will make them miss you even more because it is like going off-grid. Suddenly, they realize that they can’t reenter your life as easy as before which will make them value your presence and contribution to the relationship much more. Unfortunately, some people don’t see what they have until it is gone or at least appears to be.
Signs That the 30 Day No Contact Rule Is Working
If you want to know whether or not the No Contact Rule is working, then there are some tell tale signs to look out for. Your ex may start acting differently towards you or you may get word from mutual friends that they are missing you. Here are some things to look out for to know if the no contact rule works and if your ex is missing you.
1.) Obsessive
You get dozens of text messages from your ex, wondering what you are up to and if you two can talk. Maybe, they might send you a long paragraph expressing their deepest feelings and desires for you. Obsessive behavior can also transpire online if you own a social media account. You may log on one day to find that they liked all of your recent pictures. Or, you may also get frequent calls from them back to back, with voice messages insisting to talk things through.
2.) Fear
They may be a bit more tempered in communication if they reach out to you. This shows that they get the message and value you more. If it seems as though they are walking on eggshells during communication, this is because they do not want to void a chance with you and are playing it safe. They fear losing you again. Fear may also prompt them to rush back to you as they may see you entertaining other suitors as time passes.
3.) Sincerity
Your ex will start to be more forthcoming with their emotions. You won’t have to overexert yourself to get information out of them. They will be willing to let you closer to them.
4.) Reciprocity
Because they are valuing you more, they will make sure they are reciprocating the time and energy that you give them. They see you are not codependent nor are you willing to overextend yourself to them anymore. So, they now rise to the occasion, making sure that the relationship is equal give and take.
Do you need help with your ex? Contact me for one-on-one coaching or check out this online course The No Contact Contract.
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