Do Exes Come Back After Dating Someone Else? When to Reach Out and When to Cut Contact (2024)

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Co-authored byCristina Moraraand Eric McClure

Last Updated: November 6, 2023Fact Checked

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   Yes, exes reconnect with one another all the time. Roughly half of all couples who break up end up giving it another shot, so you’ve a really good chance to get back with your ex.^[1] The odds are very good that your ex will end up hitting you up at some point—if not to get back together, at least to explore the possibility. Do not assume that things won’t work out!^[2]

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   While it’s possible, try to forget about it for now and focus on you. It’s very important to recognize that while it’s possible to get back with your ex, a large part of this happening has to do with them—not you. Even if you really want to get back together, you cannot control how they feel. As a result, the best thing you can do right now is work on yourself. Do things you enjoy, hang out with friends and family, and focus on what’s important to you outside of your ex.^[3]

   • Say “yes” to every invitation you get. Being social and building your other relationships is a great way to forget about your ex.
   • Stay active. Exercise and get out of the house every day. Not only is it good for your body, but it’s good for your mental health as well!
   • Throw yourself at your schoolwork or job. Tackling something on your plate will put you back into control and make you feel like the best version of you.

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1. It’s definitely possible, and this may be a good thing in the long run. It’s super painful to hear that your ex is dating someone new, and it’s totally normal to be upset about it. It may not help the way that you’re feeling now, but if they date someone new, it may show them just how good your relationship was. If the two of you are meant to be, don’t assume it’s over just because they’re seeing someone.^[4]

   • While you may still want to get back with your ex, you may feel better if you go out on some casual dates with other people. Getting back out there may help you forget about your ex for now.^[5]

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   Give them plenty of space to give them time to miss you. You know the phrase “out of sight, out of mind?” It’s the opposite with exes. If you keep texting or calling them, you may give the impression that you’re a little clingy or obsessive. If you need to, block them on social media and delete their number. It seems counterintuitive, but giving them room will improve your chances in the future.^[6]

   • This isn’t to say that you should ignore them if they hit you up. However, you should wait for them to reach out to you, not the other way around.
   • It’s also not particularly healthy to keep checking in on them once you’ve broken up. It can be extremely tempting to hop on social media and see what they’re up to every other day, but it won’t make you feel better.
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   Improve yourself and show them that you’re growing. You cannot control how they feel about you, but what you can do is improve yourself as much as possible so that you look like the best partner you can be. Get as fit as possible, be as social as possible, and spend your free time improving yourself in whatever way you can. The happier and healthier you are, the more attractive you’ll be as a potential partner.^[7]

   • If the two of you broke up for a specific reason and you can fix whatever the reason was, do it. For example, if you broke up because they said you were unambitious, go back to school or hit the job market for a better gig.

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1. If they find excuses to interact with you, they may still be interested. If they text, call, or email you, the odds are very high that they’re thinking about getting back together. If you’re genuinely interested in getting back together, respond when they reach out. Don’t make any big romantic gestures or anything like that, but keep the conversation going to let things redevelop organically.^[8]

   • If you haven’t blocked them online (which is fine if you can handle it), commenting or liking your social media posts is another big sign.
   • You cannot know what’s in someone’s heart. While reaching out to check in on you is a huge sign that they’re into you, don’t assume it’s a closed deal. They may genuinely just want to know that you’re okay.

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   Demonstrate you’re doing well on social media (without bragging). This is all about sustained progress, so expect it to take some time. Post regular updates about your new gym or killer grades. Share flattering selfies, and take group pics with your friends when you go out on the town. If they see that you’re being active, productive, and happy, they’ll be more likely to want you back.^[9]

   • The trick here is to post about how well you’re doing without actually making it seem like you’re totally full of yourself. Don’t overdo it with the “life is going so great and I couldn’t be happier” stuff. Be humble and thoughtful, but flex a little bit!
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   Act like you aren’t actively trying to “win them over” and mean it. The irony of this whole thing is that it’s probably only a good idea to get back with your ex if you’ve stopped worrying about getting back with your ex. Processing what happened, focusing on yourself, and trying to grow as a person is the only surefire way to become the type of person they’d want to get back with.^[10]

   • In your process of self-discovery and growth, it’s possible you’ll meet someone who is even better for you than your ex!^[11]
   • You know that whole “a watched pot never boils” thing? That is how this works. If you keep checking in on your ex, scoping out their social media, or ask your friends about them, it means you aren’t growing. If you aren’t growing, it means getting back together is unlikely to end well. Just do you for a while.

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1. Wait at least 1 month, but the longer you can hold off, the better. If you want to get back together with your ex, wait at least 30 days to give both of you time to process the breakup.^[12] There are a variety of reasons to hold off for longer though, so wait for them to reach out first if you can. It may be a while, but it’s better for you if you wait.^[13]

   • If the breakup was messy, the more space you put between the end of the relationship and a potential reconnection, the more likely it will be that both of you remember the good times.
   • On top of that, the more time you give them to explore other possibilities, the more likely it will be that they realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
   • The more time that passes, the more space you create for the both of you to work on whatever issues caused you two to break up in the first place.

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1. You should 100% analyze what happened if you want them back. Knowing what went wrong is the only way to fix it so that your ex wants you back. If you still want a future with this person, accept what happened, lean into the feelings, and really dig deep to see what you could have done to prevent this. The answer may be “not much,” but it’s still important to understand what you could change about yourself to be a better partner in the future.^[14]

   • If you’re still unclear on why the two of you broke up, there’s nothing wrong with asking. So long as you approach the conversation from a place of respect, they should be willing to tell you why they broke up with you.^[15]

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1. Rebound relationships are a common way to deal with ugly feelings. Even if they were the one who chose to end the relationship, it’s normal to feel bad about a relationship ending. They’re probably dating someone new to distract themselves from those complex and upsetting feelings. It’s also possible that they just don’t want to be alone. In any case, don’t assume they just found their soulmate.^[16]

   • While it definitely isn’t fun to hear that your ex is dating someone new, rest assured that it’s unlikely your ex and their new partner are going to stay together forever.

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   Assume it’s over if they aren’t talking or interacting with you. If they aren’t responding to texts, ignoring you online, or refusing to have a conversation about what happened, it’s a sign that they’re serious about not getting back together. If they were still interested in potentially getting back together, they’d at least be open to interacting with you.^[17]

   See Also

   20 Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him (Because He's Over You)

   • People can change their mind if you give it enough time but that can take months, or even years. For now, take them at the word and do your best to move on.^[18]
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   It’s definitely final if they’re signaling its over on social media. Their behavior on social media means a lot. If they change their status to “single,” post about a new Tinder account, or start sharing photos of them with some other guy or girl, they’re putting it out there that they’re not interested. It’s final if they’re announcing the breakup to the world.^[19]

   • This kind of content can be super painful to see. This is why it’s so important to not keep checking in on them online and focus on you. It might hurt a lot right now, but things will get better.

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