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We talk to ourselves all the time, whether or not we are willing to admit out loud to anyone else. We go about our lives and are constantly thinking and interpreting different situations we are involved in. This ‘self-talk’ includes both our conscious thoughts and our unconscious assumptions and beliefs. We engage in this type of self-talk all the time with regard to our money. It’s what makes up our ‘money self-talk scripts.’
Most of our money self-talk is reasonable -‘I’d better pay the mortgage before the end of the month.’ But sometimes, our self-talk is negative, unrealistic or self-defeating – ‘I forgot to pay the mortgage on time! I’m hopeless’.
The Money Self-Talk That Gets In The Way
This next exercise is going to take a bit longer to complete as you’ll be identifying all those self-talk messages you tell yourself each time you engage in a money transaction of any kind. You’ll collect the data and then use the data to help you shift your thoughts and beliefs to support healthier mindset around money.
If you didn’t do the exercise when it was first sent to you, you’ll start today and ideally will do this exercise for at least a week, but for as long as you can until you collect enough useful information to identify your patterns.
I know it seems like a long time, but it really is necessary so you can uncover all those pesky hidden messages you tell yourselves regularly about money. Without the data, it will be next to impossible for you to change your relationship with money.
Grab a notebook or download the form I’ve created for you and keep it in your purse, pocketbook, or briefcase. Any time you engage in a money transaction of any kind, I want you to write down your thoughts and feelings about what transpired.
At the end of the week, review your notes:
- Do you see a pattern?
- Do you notice any themes?
- Do you tend to have the same thoughts and feelings each time you have a money transaction?
Be as honest as you can. No one is going to see this except you, and if you’re not brutally honest with yourself, it will be hard to uncover what’s really going on for you and how best for you to move towards a healthier money script.
Your log may look something like this: (this is a partial example)
Sunday:
Bought a new pair of pants and two pairs of shoes. I didn’t even need them, and I feel totally guilty I purchased these with my credit card.
“I shouldn’t have used my credit card; I’m never going to get out of debt.”
Monday:
My car broke down on the way to work. Dread, anger, angst.
“I can’t afford a new car.”
Boss wants to do my annual review. Afraid.
“I want to ask for more money. I’m so underpaid, but I’m afraid he’ll fire me.”
Tuesday:
Had to give my husband money today. Pissed off he’s not working; no money left for me.
“He’s supposed to be taking care of us, and instead I’m stuck keeping the family afloat.”
Hubs and I discussed purchasing a new car. Fought
“Couples always fight about big purchases.”
Thursday
Had annual review with my boss and got a cost of living raise. Sad and relieved.
“I’m worth more but can’t ask for more. I’m lucky I have a job.”
Friday
Deposited my paycheck into the bank. Fells great to have money in the bank to pay the bills.
“A penny earned is a penny saved.”
Our Money Scripts
“I shouldn’t have used my credit card; I’m never going to get out of debt.”
“I can’t afford a new car.”
“I want to ask for more money. I’m so underpaid but I’m afraid he’ll fire me.”
“He’s supposed to be taking care of us, and instead I’m stuck keeping the family afloat.”
“Couples always fight about big purchases.”
“I’m worth more but can’t ask for more. I’m lucky I have a job.”
“A penny earned is a penny saved.”
My Money Themes:
Saving is noble.
Fear, guilt, conflict over spending money.
This whole exercise is aimed at helping you bring all the scripts and stories you tell yourself about money up into your conscious mind. You’ll easily see the scripts that no longer serve you and need your attention and effort to change.
Now you’ll be able to more quickly notice when a money script is holding you back from taking action. You’ll see them for what they are and be offered the opportunity at the moment to change or let go of beliefs that do not serve you.
Download the Script Tracking Form here.
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