Dave Ramsey says to merge money after marriage, but couples aren't so sure (2024)

The question of merging finances upon marriage is as old as the institution itself. Financial guru Dave Ramsey says it's a categorical "yes"—when you tie the knot, it's all about "ours" not yours or mine.

But is Ramsey's one-size-fits-all advice suitable in today's financial and cultural landscape?

Ramsey, a prominent voice in the realm of personal finance, is known for his straightforward, no-nonsense approach to money management. Hosting The Ramsey Show and authoring bestsellers like The Total Money Makeover, Ramsey is a known name with a hefty following of 1.6 million on TikTok. He ardently advocated for couples to pool their financial resources post-marriage in a recent video.

"There's no middle," he said, suggesting to a caller who asked if a married couple should merge finances that complete financial union creates a solid front for marital unity and goal setting.

"You're not a partnership, you're a marriage," he continued, explaining that while his wife was a stay-at-home mother and did not bring in an earned income in some 30 years, she has full access to their money. "It forces you to set goals together, instead of having independent goals."

Not everyone agrees. Suze Orman, a former financial adviser and television personality, said the opposite. Despite her long-term partnership, Orman has never shared a joint account with her spouse, warning of the potential pitfalls—like power imbalances and a loss of individual autonomy—that can arise from fully merging finances.

"I would never, ever have just one joint account, and that's it. Never, ever, ever," Orman said last year, explaining to The Motley Fool that couples should have multiple accounts, including separate accounts for each partner.

Orman is a notable individual in the personal finance world, as well, having founded the Suze Orman Financial Group in 1987, and appearing on The Suze Orman Show, which ran on CNBC for 13 years.

In practice, the approach to merged finances varied among couples Newsweek spoke with. Emma and James Edwards, a Chicago-based married couple both in their mid-30s, said they maintain separate bank accounts for personal expenses but share a main joint account for household expenses and savings.

James works as an IT consultant while Emma has chosen to be a stay-at-home mother to their two children. James told Newsweek that the setup allows them autonomy in personal spending while ensuring shared responsibility for family expenses.

On the other hand, Maria and Julio Escarra, also in their 30s, prefer having a single joint account for all their earnings, telling Newsweek that it simplifies their finances. However, Maria said that they maintain separate credit cards, which gives them a sense of individual financial identity and discretion in personal expenses.

Austin Scarpelli, 23, a member of Gen Z, said that while merging finances would be beneficial for the sake of transparency and joint planning, he's wary of the potential for misuse and the risk of evaporating safety nets. Ultimately, Scarpelli said it comes down to how well he trusts his partner.

That potential misuse of funds brings up the term "financial infidelity," which might not ring as sharply as its romantic counterpart, but it's a breach in its own right. Defined as financial deceit toward a partner, the pattern of behavior can affect relationship satisfaction and stability. It's a money disorder in which hidden purchases, secret accounts or undisclosed debts become an issue within a marriage or relationship.

A pre-COVID pandemic study by The Ascent into financial infidelity found that many couples who have joint accounts practiced the act in their relationships. Some 71 percent of couples admitted to committing at least one instance of financial infidelity, and 82 percent of couples said they've argued over purchases.

The study found that the most common forms of financial infidelity were hiding a purchase price, hiding a specific item purchase, and lying about a purchase price. While most partners strive for transparency, the study found that the exact thresholds for unilateral spending can vary drastically.

There is a dichotomy between the idealized unity of Ramsey's shared finances and the reality in which financial infidelity is a challenge that couples face. HelloPrenup, an online platform that helps couples create prenuptial agreements, offered a pragmatic take on splitting expenses to foster relationship equality.

The platform suggests strategies like splitting costs down the middle, allocating expenses based on income percentage, or maintaining individual accounts—all viable options aiming to balance fairness with financial independence.

The kaleidoscope of opinions and strategies presents the message that there is no universal solution. Whether it's Ramsey's integrated approach or Orman's independence model, the key lies in communication and mutual understanding.