It is quite normal to be tempted in the first weeks of No Contact. You still think about your ex, your pain keeps growing bigger, you can’t eat or sleep, their absence has left traces of misery on you. Yet, you’re still trying.
It is quite understandable after having these mixed feelings to feel like the best choice is to reach out to your ex after two weeks.
YET, one week, two, or three is a short period to reflect on the breakup and decide what’s the best for you. Meaning, contacting your ex right now it’s not the best idea!
The effect of the healing process starts at the end of 30 days and continues thereafter.
Being in two weeks of No Contact and giving up prevents you from healing completely and gives your ex the power to block you, give you the most unwanted answers, and leave you feeling hopeless.
Instead of breaking the 2 weeks of No Contact with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, focus more on yourself.
What you should do is be ready to put on the defense until you are out of the breakup aftermath. You’ve got this!
7 reasons why you shouldn’t give up 2 weeks after using No Contact:
1. You are not entirely healed from the breakup
To acknowledge the pain that is caused by the breakup, and to nourish yourself takes more time than just two weeks.
Even if you ended on good terms you need to be distant for more than two weeks, to reflect on your relationship and fix or move on past things.
The second week of No Contact is different for the dumper and different for the dumpee.
The dumper is still happy to be on his/her own even though might be curious to know what the dumpee is doing. Whereas, the dumpee is picking the broken pieces and coping with the feeling of loss.
2. Your mind is distracted by the absence of your ex
By experiencing this breakup your life pattern has changed. The absence of your ex might be very destructive.
During the early stages of No Contact, your feelings and instinct will guide you instead of your thoughts and logic.
If you contact your ex after two weeks then all you will do is gain an instant joy of contacting but the results won’t be as you want.
You need to be ready to face any type of outcome. Your ex might not reply, block you, shout at you, even write an angry comment/text, or even ignore your text completely.
This is all due to the fact that you and your ex didn’t have enough time to gain a new perspective of yourself first and then on your relationship.
3. Your ex is not ready to talk with you yet
Getting your ex to talk with you or interact after the second week of No Contact will push him or her away from you.
In the second week, you are learning what it’s like to live on your own and enjoy your free time in your ex’s absence.
If you’re the dumpee, it is way too early for your ex to start missing you or to think of you.
For you, it is the first stage of learning how to cut the communication with your ex and not think of them.
While for the dumper, it’s the part where they feel relief, to then get the feeling of a heavier burden as No Contact continues further.
4. Might give you mixed signals and confuse you
Some of the exes instead of rejecting your attempt to reconnect with them, choose the method of breadcrumbing.
With all the mixed feelings, confusion, happiness, and sadness in the first and second week of No Contact, your ex chooses to suppress their feelings by replacing them with ambiguous ones.
Your ex might reach out to you just giving you mixed feelings and thoughts:
- “Yeah, I miss you too”
- “Been thinking of you lately”
- “I was wondering if you could pass by my home this weekend”
- “Miss those eyes of yours”
- “You and me, date night at Ben’s dinner tomorrow night?”
None of these examples include any apology, nor do they give any message that they improved and are for realsies this time.
Usually, during the second or third week of No Contact an ex would send these types of messages for their own needs: to fill the loneliness, quench their need for some intimacy, out of boredom, or just to play mind games.
5. The lack of scarcity won’t reattract your ex
Contacting your ex in the first or second week of No Contact won’t leave space for scarcity to have its effect.
Your ex won’t have the needed time to be used to your absence and miss you. Scarcity creates confusion, raises curiosity and attraction.
It is a little bit hard and uncertain to accept this fact at the beginning of No Contact since all you may want is to reconnect with your ex.
Being distant from your ex for more than two weeks leaves space for your ex to start and recognize your absence.
Whether your relationship was good or bad, your ex will start to miss you after weeks of No Contact.
6. You won’t make any progress in getting over the breakup
Connecting with your ex during week one or two of No Contact will hinder the process of your healing.
The progress will be slower and messier when you don’t invest time on focusing on yourself rather than focusing on reconnecting with your ex instantly.
It is a bit difficult to tell at the beginning, if your ex was ever fond of you or if has lost interest in you completely.
Instead of trying to figure things out on your own by focusing on your ex, you should try to learn how it feels to be on your own. This will give you answers to multiple questions when it comes to your ex.
7. You’ll have second thoughts and might end up hurting again
If you feel the urge of reconciling things through the first or second week and you get in touch again, you might end up in deeper confusion and you’ll feel in pain again.
Your ex might act hot and cold during that time since even they did not have enough time to experience relief, to regret their decision, or miss you.
Since you’re hurt and want to heal by being near your ex, you might settle for less. Your ex might go and have other secret dates or offer to be friends, just to keep you around.
1. Engage in new activities
If you had been in this relationship for a year or more it is way hard to get your mind off your ex, after the breakup.
An initial thing to do when starting No Contact after the breakup is to set a 30-day plan to reset yourself.
~ Start small. Find an activity to keep yourself occupied.
~ Write your feelings in a journal and get back at it after a week so you can reflect on your feelings and decision.
~ Start accepting the breakup by finding the strength to live on your own.
~ Surround yourself with friends and family.
~ Do yoga, go dancing, climb that mountain. Do anything that helps you regain emotional stability.
A 30-day plan or 30 days No Contact will be a turning point to let all your feelings go and accept the breakup.
This will be just the start of your healing. Whereas, for your ex, it will be the beginning of reconsidering their decisions or choosing to slowly move on.
2. Take a break from social media
It is very normal during 2 weeks of No Contact wanting to know what your ex is thinking or what he/she is doing.
Instead of immediately blocking your ex or deleting your posts with them, choose to deactivate your account for some time.
This way you may manage the urge of stalking your ex. That will prevent you from hurting.
Note: Some exes might use shady posts to their account or will post pics of how ‘happy’ they feel after breaking up.
3. Try to not ask other people how your ex is doing
In order to break the chain of obsession after the breakup, try not to be close to anything that reminds you of your ex.
If you hang out with mutual friends that might bring your ex up to every conversation, be a little distant from them too.
Hang out with new people, gain a new perspective on your life. You need some time to be distant from your previous gatherings so you can reflect better and not be influenced to make any wrong decisions.
4. You need someone to talk to and get things out of your chest
Friends, family, and a decent relationship expert can help you a lot during these first weeks.
Don’t restrain yourself by not talking to anyone about this issue and suppressing your feelings. Be aware to take the advice that you really need and use it accordingly to your situation.
Friends and family might help you to be safe and sound and be emotionally stable again.
Whereas a relationship expert might help you gain a new perspective on yourself and your relationship, helping you create a healthy path for the relationship to come.
5. Go for a short trip with your friends or family
Going for a short trip with your friends or family will keep you humble and focused during the first weeks of No Contact.
Waves of anxiety or loneliness might be present until you reach a point in which you accept the fact that the breakup has happened.
You will reach that point by absorbing the love your friends and family give you, by visiting places that you’ve never been, and by experiencing life beyond what your relationship was and presented to you.
6. Shift your mindset from “Why me” to “What do I do to move on?”
To pass this critical time you’re going through and find the answer on whether you should give up on 2 weeks of No Contact, you should shift your mindset.
You can do it by appreciating the past, learning how to go back to yourself, and seeking the future.
It is all okay during the second week of No Contact to feel lonely, have low self-esteem at the moment, blame it all on yourself, and think if your ex ever wanted you.
No matter if the breakup was bad or you chose to break up on good terms, you will be a part of this emotional rollercoaster.
What to do if I break No Contact after two weeks?
Being tempted to break No Contact after two weeks is part of the process of healing and knowing your limits.
To redo the No Contact for the second time that all depends on the type of relationship you had, how your ex reacted after the No Contact, and how you feel after reconnecting with them.
~ Try to start the No Contact for the second time. Even if your ex has replied with a short text or has been breadcrumbing you, go back to being distant. Give yourself and your ex some more time to cope with your feelings.
~ Ask yourself how you felt after reconnecting. If you had bittersweet feelings then this time try to focus on living by yourself. Make the difference between how you feel being on your own and being back with your ex.
~ Delete your social media and keep the email as the only contact of your ex. This way you won’t have the urge to go back again and break the No Contact. This time you will be more focused to heal yourself.
~If you don’t want to cut your communication totally with your ex then don’t block him or her. If you block your ex immediately after breaking 2 weeks of No Contact will give them the wrong idea.
They might think that you’re playing games whereas you are trying to cope with your feelings and with the breakup.
~ Be patient with your and your ex’s healing process. It takes time for both of you to get out of the breakup bubble.
~ Don’t be angry or feel miserable for breaking No Contact. Try to understand why you did so in the first place. If loneliness was the reason, then try to overcome this feeling and find ways to enjoy your time without the presence of another person.
~ If your ex responds you don’t rush into ghosting them without any reason. Since you are the one that broke the No Contact, keep it casual and simple. Don’t overshare.
~ When the breakup happens things won’t feel the same. Even if your ex was emotionally attracted to you, long-term relationship or long distance, after you broke the No Contact, they will need a longer time to rebuild themselves too.
Should I text my ex after 2 weeks of No Contact?
Yes, you can text your ex or break No Contact only if you have a good reason to do it and you know how to approach without hurting yourself or your ex.
1. When you have lived together and have to get your things back.
If you have lived together but you concluded that you need to take your things out of their place then you might just contact them shortly.
Use a simple text just to notify about the time when you’ll go and take your things.
2. If you have a child together.
Having a child together might prevent you from strictly practicing No Contact.
Since you have mutual responsibility for your child and you need their help, you can ask them shortly and precisely.
3. If you work together or share the same house.
Sometimes it is impossible to not communicate with your ex if your boss gives you a mutual task or you still live in the same house.
Try to keep the conversation around the task that you have to do or talk shortly about house responsibilities. Let your ex know about your limits.
4. If you broke up amicably but decided to go No Contact just to give you and your ex the space to reflect then just send a simple text.
The text should not include a needy tone or be crafted only around what you want or how you feel.
Let them know that you care about them and want to know how they’ve been.
Note: Don’t try to text your ex just because you miss them, or use it as an excuse to reconnect with them because you feel lonely.
Reaching out to your ex to just chat and tell them you miss them will give your ex the sign that you are desperate and being clingy on them.
Your ex might come back during and after the No Contact for various reasons. That all depends on your ex’s personality and what type of relationship you had.
If you have wondered during the first 3 weeks of no contact what is he thinking or is she thinking about me during No Contact then you will find bits of the answer from the reason that your ex contacted you.
Depending on the reason why you broke up and how bad the breakup was, three weeks are enough to start and think differently about you and your relationship.
If you were in a relationship with a narcissist and now are using NC on them then he or she might come back after this time because they are curious. Your ex wants to get control of your life again.
If your ex wasn’t emotionally attached to you enough then they might contact you after three weeks just to get their sexual needs fulfilled.
If your breakup was bad or even not that bad but your ex never stopped loving/caring about you then they will be back to apologize properly and ask you to reconcile.
If your ex was into you but afraid of committing then they might be back to find out if you have moved on or to see if they have a second chance.
If you were strict with No Contact then maybe your ex might be fishing and searching for ways to show that they are sorry but not ready to change their behavior.
Let’s wrap it up here: How can I hold myself up through the first weeks of No Contact?
Let’s not look at No Contact as a process that will make your ex forget about you or move on. Your ex will miss you during No Contact and won’t move on in a blink of an eye.
One thing that you might do is focus on yourself more and think that you chose this method to nourish yourself from the breakup.
Take it as some type of vacation to drift away from your relationship for some time.
Be patient with yourself, let the anxiety hit you from time to time but be able to control your mind and deal with the pain.
Take care,
Callisto
