One of the biggest challenges that couples face is figuring out their finances; how to make money, how to save money, and how to be generous with our money. Money doesn’t have to be a tense topic with your spouse…with a bit of proactive conversation, you will both be more at ease. Here are 10 important money conversations for couples.
Important Money Conversations for Couples
This podcast episode is all about how your finances will either unite or divide you in your marriage. We share a bit about how having the right money conversations have given us a stronger foundation for our marriage. We also talk about how when couples ignore money conversations the results can be catastrophic.
10 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Be Having
1. How much you each earn.
This seems like a simple place to start, but believe it or not, not all couples share their net pay with their spouses. Being open and honest about how much you earn (and depositing your check-in a way you’ve both agreed upon) is the first step to creating trust in one another and your approach to finances.
2. Who is going to oversee your budget?
Once you have a budget up and running, it will need to be maintained regularly. While you both should have a say in how it’s run, only one of you should be “in charge” of keeping it up to date. By one of you taking the reins, there is less room for calculation errors or need for an explanation of the work that you’ve done. This is one money conversation for couples that will save you a lot of headaches in the end!
3. How will you approach bills?
Just like the budget, it’s best when bills are paid by the same person from one month to the next. This allows for patterns in payments to be observed (and whether costs have changed.) It also ensures that no bill is overlooked and that late fees are avoided.
4. What system will you have for personal purchases?
We all have those personal purchases that we make. Maybe it’s that purse that you just couldn’t pass up or that new stereo he’s been thinking about buying. …or maybe you want to buy your spouse a gift. Regardless of the purchase, talk with your spouse about how you’ll buy things for yourself (or for one another). You may choose to open small checking accounts for each of you or to agree to a certain dollar amount each month that you’d like to stay under in personal spending.
5. How will you keep track of your spending?
One essential part of keeping on top of your finances is making sure that you’re tracking your spending habits. Deciding together on how you’re going to do that will make it much easier when it comes time to review the budget. Perhaps you have a commonplace to keep receipts or each have a checkbook that you review each week. Whatever you decide, do it together.
More Important Money Conversations for Couples
6. What are your priorities when shopping?
Talking about shopping is one of the most important money conversations for couples. Is your focus convenience, saving money or top-quality? Each one comes with a different price tag and if he shops for bargains and she looks for top-quality, it may lead to resentment when it comes time to look at how much has been spent. If you have a smartphone or computer, consider using these 5 apps to save you money on your groceries. Also using printable coupons for shopping can help take some pressure off of the family grocery budget. And if you shop online, make sure you are getting paid cashback to do so. There are many programs that can save you money. Here is our favorite way to save money when doing online shopping.
7. How will you manage the money you save?
Saving money is an important part of planning for your future. Talking about how you’ll manage your savings is important. Will you open a savings account or invest? Are there stock options through your employer? All are important things to consider when looking at how you’ll save your money.
8. Do you see retirement in your future?
Talk about how you’ll plan for retirement and at what age you hope to reach that milestone. Working together to make that a reality (for you both) will help you to feel that you’re playing on the same team. It may be beneficial to make an appointment with a financial professional to help guide you through that conversation.
9. How will you save for big purchases?
There are plenty of big purchases that couples encounter: car, house, college tuition…the list goes on and on. Discussing your approach to those expenses (well in advance) will help you to be prepared when you’re ready to make the purchase.
10. What are your beliefs on money you give the kids?
This is another area that, unless handled in the same way, can lead to resentment. You must discuss how you will give money to the kids. Will you provide an allowance (and, if so, for doing what chores)? Does your teen need to work for spending money, or will you take a different approach? Making sure that you both handle this, in the same way, will provide mixed messages to the kids and will keep you working together efficiently.
What are your best conversation tips for couples when discussing finances? We’d love to hear them!
FAQs
Especially if their partner takes control of the finances. They might feel guilty or like they have to justify what they spend. Maybe they feel like they should avoid doing things that cost money, such as going out with friends. It's important to communicate honestly about your financial expectations.
Why is it important to talk about finances in marriage? ›
All couples need to talk about money issues, such as who will pay the bills, what kind of checking accounts they will have (individual, joint, or both), and how much personal spending will be allowed. Trouble handling money can cause stress in a relationship and even lead to divorce.
How to divide finances in a marriage? ›
The easiest setup is to have a joint account that both fund to pay shared expenses. Then each partner can have separate accounts to pay for individual assets. Both partners share the financial burden of day-to-day expenses while maintaining financial independence.
What is financial infidelity in a marriage? ›
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner hides or misrepresents financial information from the other, such as keeping secret bank accounts or hiding purchases. It does not necessarily involve marital infidelity, though it can lead to divorce.
What are your financial expectations in a relationship? ›
When you become a couple it's important to be in agreement on how debt should be handled. This includes both how you'll handle your current debt including a plan for paying it off. However, it also includes a plan for how you'll manage future debt, like mortgages or new credit card debt.
How many marriages fail due to finances? ›
It's estimated that financial problems contribute to 20-40% of all divorces. That means that for every 10 marriages that end in divorce, four of them are because of money.
Is debt a red flag in a relationship? ›
Using credit cards irresponsibly. Once you are in a long-term, committed relationship, even though it is the other person's debt, it's kind of your debt too. Paying it off will affect your ability as a couple to plan and work toward other financial goals together.
What is lying about finances in marriage? ›
Small lies about finances can lead to even more damaging behaviors in your relationship or marriage. A stash of money in the bottom of a cookie jar probably won't destroy your relationship. But realizing that your partner cheats on you financially could be the beginning of the end of your relationship.
How do financial issues affect marriage? ›
When couples are stressed about money, whether it's due to debt, job loss, or just living paycheck to paycheck, they're more likely to argue and feel dissatisfied in their marriage. This kind of stress can make it hard for couples to communicate effectively and solve problems together, which can make things even worse.
How important are finances in a relationship? ›
More than half of respondents (57%) think a loss of income or salary reduction would negatively impact their relationship. Around 41% of respondents have hidden certain expenses from their partner, and 10% of respondents feel uncomfortable with a partner accessing their personal finances.
Before you exchange vows, you and your partner should disclose your full financial circ*mstances to each other. Because marriage is a legal and financial decision—the government couldn't care less how in love you are—you need to know what risks you are taking by binding yourself to another person.
Should wife pay half bills? ›
'Seriously consider' splitting bills by income
Couples should list all the household expenses, including fixed costs and an average for the variable costs, then split those costs according to income and deposit their allotted amounts monthly in a joint account, said Curtis.
Who pays bills in marriage? ›
Married couples approach their finances in all different ways. Some combine all of their funds in a joint account out of which all expenses get paid. Others opt to keep their finances separate and split the cost of shared expenses (either 50/50 or proportionately based on income).
What are the four walls? ›
In a series of tweets, Ramsey suggested budgeting for food, utilities, shelter and transportation — in that specific order. “I call these budget categories the 'Four Walls. ' Focus on taking care of these FIRST, and in this specific order… especially if you're going through a tough financial season,” the tweet read.
How long into a relationship should you discuss finances? ›
Start financial conversations early
If you've only been dating someone for a month then it's probably not the time to ask about their deepest financial secrets, but you can start small. Discuss a budget for dates with your partner, or if it's financially feasible for you to take that weekend vacation right now.
How should unmarried couples share finances? ›
Separate: You may want to keep your income and spending totally separate. Each of you would have your personal account for deposits and withdrawals, as well as your credit card accounts for charging and loans for borrowing. Combine: Both of you would manage all income and spending from a joint account.
Should a man support his wife financially? ›
The financial role of a husband in a marriage varies. It depends on the couple's values, expectations, and circ*mstances. It also comes down to the evolving work world. Women are now breadwinners or earn around the same as their partners in 45% of American households.
